Well, which of us would like it if our man constantly stares at other women? Meanwhile, psychologists believe that there is no need to panic, since visual attention to other representatives of the fair sex most often does not threaten the beloved. Should you listen to them, or try to set boundaries for what is permitted for a man?
Well, which of us would like it if our man constantly stares at other women? “Have I become uninteresting to him? Have you fallen out of love? Meanwhile, psychologists believe that there is no need to panic, since visual attention to other representatives of the fair sex most often does not threaten the beloved. Should you listen to them, or try to set boundaries for what is permitted for a man?
Scanners from birth
If you ask a man why he stares at beauties passing by, he will not even understand what he is talking about, and will answer something like: “I love everything beautiful,” etc. Because the male reaction to attractive women is typical and natural, she says that he is a healthy normal man in the prime of his life, and he has everything in order with the instinct of procreation.
Every member of the stronger sex is naturally programmed to respond to attractive women as potential sexual objects. The genetic task of a man is to procreate. Therefore, his reaction to attractive women of childbearing age is just a manifestation of what is inherent in him from birth. He doesn’t even notice how he does it: he looks, admires, and that’s all.
He also has an instinct for scanning space. This is also innate. Guarding the territory and monitoring what is happening on it is a quality inherent in men. Let us recall at least one of the popular male hobbies - hunting: it also requires careful monitoring of space in order to notice prey in time.
As you know, you can’t argue with natural instincts. And if they disappear in a man (for example, with age, due to illness), then this will affect you, first of all. Are you happy about this prospect?..
“Do we have the right to deny our partner freedom? It’s not modern, it smacks of the Middle Ages,” says psychologist Olga Danilina. - Hold is a word of fear and limitation. If spouses come to see me completely dissolved in each other, I foresee serious problems in the future. There is a magic phrase “I trust you...”. By pronouncing it, a woman turns to the inner ideal of a man, the ideal of knightly generosity and honor.”
Psychologist and consultant Natalia Chirkova agrees with her: “Violent expressions of emotions and frank attempts to limit the freedom of your lover should be avoided. Men are freedom-loving creatures, and if someone forcibly restrains them, it will only provoke additional resistance.”
Makeup for a trip to the bakery
By the way, do you yourself remain indifferent to outsiders of the stronger sex? Don't you notice an attractive man if he appears in your field of vision? Of course you notice. Because we women also have our own instincts. And the main one is the desire to please, and all men, and not just your husband. Therefore, before leaving the house, we put on makeup, comb our hair, and try to dress tastefully. We do this when we go to work, for a walk, or when we go shopping. I'm not even talking about parties, corporate events, going to a restaurant: we go there with double the care. And all because we want to be liked. That is, we follow the innate instinct that tells us to be desirable and attractive.
Well, how do you tell your husband to react to this? If he is smart, he will understand everything correctly. Besides, he knows that you are still his woman and belong to him. And if he is not smart, then, seeing that you are striving to look beautiful, he will begin to be jealous and poison the life of you and himself. Will you like it?
Throwing a tantrum is unproductive
Throwing hysterics when you see that your beloved man has turned around after a pretty girl is putting yourself in a disadvantageous, obviously humiliated position. The Queen should not doubt herself! Hysterics and scandals only show your insecurity. And this does not make a woman beautiful; on the contrary, it reduces her position.
Psychotherapist Richard Tuley warns wives and girlfriends: “If a husband hears: “We need to talk,” he reacts “allergically” to this. Therefore, if you have a lot of thoughts, feelings, negative emotions in your head, and you are eager to “talk seriously,” start the conversation with a subtle hint and without constant reminders of mistakes.”
But how can you let your man know that you don’t like it when he turns on others? You don’t have to pretend that you don’t care, it’s better to say so: “When you stare at other women, it makes me uncomfortable.”
There is another proven method that is more effective. Start doing the same: pay attention to other men. When some handsome member of the opposite sex comes into view, tell your lover: “Oh, what an interesting guy! And how built he is, just an athlete!” That is, simply voice the thoughts that arise when you see other representatives of the stronger sex. This will be enough for your husband or friend to react. Watch his reaction. If you see that he is clearly jealous, say: “So? Do you enjoy it when I stare at other men?.. So let’s agree: in order not to offend each other, we’ll do it delicately and unnoticeably.”
And if, despite this, he still turns his head after other women, then he doesn’t care about your well-being. This is a reason to think: is he the one you need?
Look back to… go back
The opinions of professionals are largely similar: they believe that when a man pays attention to other women, this is a completely normal situation. and you have nothing to worry about.
For example, Konstantin Gauss reveals a secret: “Every healthy man weighs the external charms and disadvantages of “his own” and “someone else’s.” This behavioral program turns on automatically, so he himself does not notice how he does it. Mostly it ends with him thinking to himself: “mine is still better!”
Olesya Sharova continues her colleague’s thoughts: “Your husband looks at others, but he lives with you and you are dear to him, and not those who pass by you. Jealousy is a sign of self-doubt."
And here’s how Maxim Medvedev explains the behavior of men: “A man does this purely automatically and without malicious intent, it’s automatic reflexes. When you ask him a direct question, he is uncomfortable admitting it and denies everything. Male sexuality is largely based on vision, and our women now don’t wear a burqa... Don’t try to change it. This has nothing to do with love or dislike for you. Don't look at him as a prey that they are trying to take away from you. Learn to hold his attention."
Tatyana Sokova gives practical advice: “We all look at members of the opposite sex, and this is normal. You can ask what attracted the husband’s attention at the moment in the woman. Perhaps discuss the details of the toilet and praise its taste. And you can play the same game: pay attention to other men. But remember it's a game and don't go overboard."
Albert Maksimov sums up: “All normal men always look at women, it doesn’t matter whether they are married or whether the wife is beautiful. This is biology, if you like. He is a mature man, and you make comments to him like a child. Maybe he specifically wants to annoy you in this case. He probably compares you with others (this also happens, but not everyone admits it) and, perhaps, makes sure that he made the right choice: it’s you. It doesn’t matter where he looks, what matters is where he returns.”
Inna Kriksunova, for Fontanka.ru
If you are reading this article, then you definitely have problems with jealousy, and the main reason is that your husband is looking at other women. Any glance by your man on the left side is regarded as a family offense. Yes, you yourself have noticed many times how, with a large gathering of girls, you unwittingly become an overseer and a spy for your lover. Your reaction doesn’t take long to wait: either you give him a comic slap on the head, or you start a huge scandal if his head turns even one degree in the direction of a passing beauty. How to evaluate this?
The only case when you know who you are in contact with is that your man is an incorrigible and hopeless ladies' man. His glances are not just an ancient instinct, but a natural hunt for females. You caught him more than once, pulled him off other women, threw hysterics, but the situation is still there - he is “sick” of infidelity.
In this case, it’s up to you to decide whether to continue living with him like this, kick him in the butt, or put him in a cage under seven locks. Don’t flatter yourself with hopes: until you eliminate your friends and narrow your circle of contacts to purely male or purely related ones, it will be so. But he’s not a lamb either, if he’s not your henpecked guy, he’ll still find a loophole.
You stopped liking yourself a long time ago - you’ve gained weight, wrinkles here and there, you often lash out at your man, justifying this either with the influence of PMS or with women’s whims. So it infuriates you that your macho man is looking at other ladies. And if your boyfriend is younger than you, then this is generally a reason to tear and throw. You understand perfectly well that things are bad, even if he’s not hanging out yet, but he’s making critical comparisons. What can you change? First of all, yourself.
Look at yourself in the mirror - how do you like this reflection? Has a double chin appeared? Crow's feet in the corners of your eyes? A crow's nest instead of a hairstyle? So what's up? You've probably heard about the existence of nutritionists, cosmetologists and hairdressers.
Educate yourself. Yes, even on the Internet. Yes, at least superficially. To be known in a company as a dim-witted aunt, compared to other ladies, is very bad. So you will sit in the corner and grind your teeth, listening to how another woman expresses herself intelligently and is interesting to everyone around her.
Stop yelling at your husband! Stop stalking him, being jealous, and causing scandals! So you will completely turn him away from you. Try yelling at yourself in the mirror with the same grimace, and you will see what a disgusting sight he has to see. Of course, it is more pleasant for him to look at the pretty and smiling faces of other women.
It's all about instinct
Beach, seashore, white sand. Your husband is on the sunbed next to you. In general, you are confident in him: he loves you, spoils you, he doesn’t care about other ladies. But, you notice how he looks through the top of his sunglasses at the passing girls in swimsuits. Okay, let's be patient.
You dozed off in the sun, you wake up - your sweetheart is not nearby. And he’s over there: at the beach bar counter, whispering something in the ear of a sexy beauty. Although, he took the drinks and is bringing them to you. Well, be careful, my love, now you will get it from me!
Stop! What kind of panic? What did he do? Let's look at the situation in a man's subconscious.
Passing figures
Since ancient times, a man has had the habit of evaluating a woman by external signs: whether she is able to give birth to offspring from him, whether she is strong in the household. Yes, then he needed practicality. Over time, practicality has been transformed over the centuries into aesthetic enjoyment of a lady’s figure, but the subconscious instinct to evaluate from head to toe has remained. Even if there is no thought of having sex with her.
Whispering in your ear
Close communication, practically face to face, is the same “cave” instinct. You need to sniff the female and smell her scent. We, “reasonable humans,” do not sniff like animals do, but from our shaggy ancestors this instinct has been preserved on a subconscious level. This can also be explained by friendly hugs and slow dancing. Therefore, you shouldn’t think that this is how your spouse negotiates a date with someone.
Sound of voice
That’s why the call is important: “Don’t yell at a man!” The voice can work wonders - lull, “caress the ear,” attract. And coupled with an interesting conversation, it seems that the man is at a loss from the woman’s charms. But again, the subconscious is at work. So don't be afraid - if your boyfriend is faithful to you, he simply succumbed to the instinct of his ancestors, nothing more.
Finally - an unusual technique
Let's do a thought experiment.
Imagine that you have the superpower to “read” men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what’s on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any problems in your relationship at all.
And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you can’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.
If you're interested, you can. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for visitors to our site.
How often do women get offended by their husbands and lovers because they pay close attention to strangers?
Men really love looking at beauties. But won't a woman pay attention to a handsome man, with excellent bearing and dignified behavior?
The role of a man
Psychologists note that evolution has assigned men the role of hunters and protectors. Only a man who knows how to navigate the terrain in time and spot prey or an attacking animal can successfully fulfill such a role.
“But planes don’t fly on their own and steamships don’t sail on their own,” states a modern song. Indeed, men hold the helms of airplanes and ships in their strong hands.
If a person driving a vehicle does not see an obstacle on the way, he will crash into a pole. When men stop looking at the world around them, accidents and disasters will begin to occur. Imagine suddenly all the cars colliding, trains derailing, steamships crashing into coastal cliffs, and rocket scientists accidentally pressing the wrong button! The world will simply perish!
Features of men's perception of the world
Throughout life, a person has to make choices, solve some problems, small or large. Men make decisions based on reasonable arguments, unlike women, who are more often driven by emotions.
Men love to look at women; they really perceive the world, unlike women, who often hover in the clouds of their illusions. Men love women the way they see them.
Scientists have long noticed: a man’s home is the whole world, a woman’s world is her home. In order to maintain order in a man’s house, you need to be able to correctly evaluate all the details and notice disharmony in a timely manner.
To understand and to forgive
Scientists advise wives to remember their natural characteristics more often. It is known that men live more with their minds, women with their hearts.
So, maybe wives should use their hearts. A woman who remembers that a real man should be able to look at the world will understand and forgive him. If a wife loves her husband, she will see in his views towards other women only a natural quality, and not promiscuity.
It doesn't matter what, but how
It is important to clarify one point in this situation: what exactly offends the woman, the husband’s attention to other representatives of the fair sex, or how he looks at them and how often.
It’s probably one thing when a husband simply looks at women, men, children, purely statistically, so to speak, as if he were looking at the whole world around him. So to speak, for orientation in space.
It’s completely different when he looks with obvious lust, lust, greasy eyes at others and with contempt and disdain at his woman.
Of course, not a single woman will like to see next to an unbridled male who, with his mouth open and saliva dripping from his tongue, devours with his eyes all the beauties passing by. If a man’s eyes glow with a vulgar appeal to everything that moves, and he does not pass by a single skirt so as not to pinch his buttock, then this will become a clear insult to the companion walking next to him.
Men - take care of yourself!
In this situation, a man, of course, needs to monitor not only the people around them, but also himself.
Psychologists advise such a man, standing in front of the mirror, to evaluate his view of strangers. Go to the mirror and determine what exactly the look expresses when a man sees or remembers other women. Unbridled lust or ordinary, respectful, friendly attention.
Men should control their instincts and not forget about the rules of decency. Of course, men hold the helm of our world in their strong hands, but they also walk under God. That is, they are also affected by the rules of behavior developed in society. These rules should be followed so that there are no unnecessary insults and misunderstandings between people. Respect and decency extend to the rules of your relationship with your wife.
Psychologists advise men to try not to offend their spouse with excessive admiration for other women and disdainful glances in her direction. Clearly expressed lust, vulgar, greasy looks should be left at home, and should not compromise oneself with them in the eyes of others. Experts do not recommend offending your girlfriend or spouse with such behavior.
Women should think about it
A woman who values the love of her husband should carefully monitor her husband’s behavior towards other women and draw conclusions for herself.
If there is a man next to you who does not respect himself and you, who does not observe the rules of decency, an unbridled male, then there is no need to be upset. Is such a male individual worth a woman's tears? Such a handsome man can be absolutely calmly released on all four sides. Let him stare at anyone as much as he wants, somewhere away from you.
Psychologists advise women who have normal, adequate husbands to pay attention to their appearance and behavior. Perhaps you should change your torn robe to stylish modern pajamas, update your hair, wear a new dress, be gentler at night and more reserved in society.
A woman lives guided by her heart, unlike men who are led by their sober mind. The heart may tell you that you need to look at your husband with admiration, say a lot of kind words to him, praise him often, and approve of his actions. You should not make comments to your spouse in the presence of his friends or strangers.
If the husband began to look at the women around him because he was tired of his wife’s sloppiness and grumpiness, she needs to change her behavior and bring herself into the appropriate form. Keeping abreast of stylish new clothes, monitoring your posture, your health, and your conversation is necessary if you want to be respected and loved.
If the wife constantly complains of a headache in the evenings, the man will sooner or later begin to stare at others.
You are two wings of a beautiful bird
After honestly thinking about the situation, you need to try to find the right solution to the problem, if it is a problem. Perhaps a quick, casual glance at your neighbor on the landing is not worth such close attention?
When spouses take steps of love towards each other, trying to find compromises, giving in to each other, trying to maintain the unity of the family, everything works out for them.
In the process of searching for unity and mutual concessions, spouses educate each other and find harmony. True harmony comes when the male mind becomes more cordial, and the female heart becomes smarter.
Family is a beautiful bird, man and woman are its strong wings, equally supported by both wings, it will fly to the heavens of happiness.
Aliya.
Good afternoon. Such a problem, I can’t go to public places with my husband, he always pays attention to other women, looks, examines them, if I make a remark he assures me that he didn’t look, but recently the last straw was that he was looking at a group of very young girls of 18- 20 years, and I saw his interested look, then several times he looked at them, glanced at them, tried to talk about abstract topics so that I would not understand, but I saw everything.
I’m ready to get a divorce because I’m tired of this. He is 32, I am 31. This is not jealousy, I see that a person always likes to look with his eyes and, moreover, his gaze is very interested, at this moment he falls out of reality. For me, he’s just a goat; I’ve never noticed that in anyone before I met him. I caught him on dating sites and added many different girls on social networks. I tried to save my family but nothing. I am tired of this.
Aliya, hello!
How long have you been married to this man?
Was his behavior as you describe from the very beginning of your marriage to him?
I recommend reading
What would you like to receive as a result of the consultation?
Aliya.
This behavior was there from the beginning, at first I didn’t pay attention, it was even funny to see how he followed the girls with his eyes, then when I saw dating sites, and in the history of his phone there were a bunch of photos, looking through photos of girls, I realized who I got as my husband.
As a result of the consultation, I would like to get an outside opinion on whether it is worth living with such a man or not.
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, this is a disrespectful attitude towards your girlfriend
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, that he does not respect me, does not value me and there is no love, because a man who loves his wife will not look at others so openly in front of her
Dmitry Novikov, I feel disappointed in this man, I give up and have no desire to be with him and build a relationship further
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, I think all men look at beautiful girls, but a normal man will not openly do this in front of his wife, like my husband.
all men look at beautiful girls, but a normal man will not do this openly in front of his wife, like my husband.
Can this be understood in such a way that if you train your husband not to look at others in your presence, then everything will be fine?
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, well, not just to train))) but to control yourself))) or is that impossible?)
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, apparently not necessary
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, I don’t know. I can't pay attention to this
Dmitry Novikov, or rather, ignore it
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, his. It’s not me who doesn’t control my behavior. Of course, if you ask him, he will answer you - that he is not looking, and it is me who needs to be treated.
But judging by the fact that this has been going on for a long time, and he has not changed, apparently I need to change my attitude towards this. It’s somehow easier to react rather than take it to heart.
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, I just don’t believe that these views are so harmless, I think these are warning signs, and someday I will find out about the betrayal. Because such views, uncontrolled, mean that a person is looking for something else for himself, or rather for someone else.
Yes, but I don't know how to take it easier. If I had known, I would have stopped paying attention a long time ago and lived in peace.
I don't know how it's easier to perceive this. If I had known, I would have stopped paying attention a long time ago and lived in peace.
I can express my vision of your situation. You may not like it, but that's just my personal opinion.
Your husband, like most normal, healthy, heterosexual men, pays attention to other women. By the way, women love to look beautiful for a reason. They like to catch men's gaze. In other words, you don’t need to do anything with your husband, everything is fine with him. True, he really could have taken care of you and not been so obnoxious in your presence.
But the most interesting thing is what happens to you. Essentially, this is jealousy. One of the main reasons for jealousy is low self-esteem, the fear that other women may be more attractive. You need to understand and work through the origins of your low self-esteem. A psychotherapist can help with this.
In general, something like this.
