Trap for a single woman: What threatens a civil marriage, and why a man doesn’t want to get married. A man doesn’t want to get married, what to do? Why doesn’t a man marry his partner?

Valeria Protasova

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A woman, dating a man, at the very beginning of their relationship considers them as a direct path to official marriage. But it happens that a couple’s relationship lasts for months, years, and he is in no hurry to walk his beloved down the aisle. In this case, the woman’s disappointment and resentment know no bounds; she begins to suspect him of lacking feelings for her, and she develops a lot of complexes about her own inadequacy to him.

Reasons why men don't want to get married

How, in fact, can one understand the reasons for the reluctance of a beloved man to go to the altar, how can one understand his intentions and feelings? Such a subtle matter as feelings requires a subtle approach to it, so without wise advice - nowhere!

The most common reason that a man does not want to lead the woman he loves to the altar is his "immaturity" , as a potential head of the family. Women know that a man very often remains a child at heart, which means that he notices only what he wants to notice, and is often inclined to idealize both the relationship with his loved one and the events of his life. He sets goals for himself and tries to follow them, so he doesn’t want to change his plans at the moment, leaving marriage for the future.
Another common reason for a man’s reluctance to propose marriage to his beloved is fear of losing your freedom , independence of today's life. Friends' stories, or his own assumptions, tell him that after marriage, his wife will rule everything, and only she will tell him what and when to do, where and with whom to go. A man always knows that family is, first of all, a responsibility that will fall on his shoulders. Perhaps he feels unable to provide his wife with everything she needs yet. In most cases, men are afraid that after marriage their beloved woman will not allow them to engage in hobbies, sports, meet friends, or lead an interesting and carefree life.
The reason that a man keeps putting off the wedding may be fear of seeing your wife change for the worse . Subconsciously, this may be a manifestation of one’s own sad relationship experience, or observation of other married couples. It is also quite possible that such fear in a man is a kind of excuse for himself, because he subconsciously already felt that this woman is not his dream, but does not dare to break off the relationship.
On sad experiences of parents, relatives, neighbors, friends , the man already knows that after the wedding, quarrels, disagreements, and scandals always begin between the newlyweds. Sometimes such examples are so revealing and memorable that male witnesses in their own relationships begin to fear the same outcome. And, as a result, they delay the moment of marriage as much as they can.
A man, as a rule, wants to decide everything on his own. If his beloved woman begins to demand something from him, set ultimatums, running “ahead of the locomotive,” then she begins to play him male pride , and he acts with precision and, on the contrary, contrary to the expectations of his chosen one. He can even become deliberately rude and stops taking into account the woman’s opinion, which causes even greater accusations of callousness and soullessness against him. This is a vicious circle, the relationship is gradually heating up, and there can be no talk of any marriage proposal.
A weak, insecure man can avoid the question of marriage only because does not feel confident and reliable for your beloved woman. He is constantly gnawed by doubts; he may doubt that she sincerely loves him, because he is sure that there is absolutely nothing to love him for. Even if a woman proves with all her behavior and passion that she only needs him, this man is tormented by the thoughts that the other men around him are much better than him, and over time he will not be able to keep his woman near him.
If influence of parents on a man is great, and they did not like their son’s chosen one, then the man may not want marriage, submitting to the will of the elders in the family. In such a situation, a man is “between two fires” - on the one hand, he is afraid of breaking the parents’ ban, upsetting them, on the other hand, he wants to be with the woman he loves, feels ashamed in front of her, that he remains untenable in matters of relationships. In such a situation, a woman urgently needs to make a decision in order to prevent negative development of the relationship.
Sometimes lovers who have been dating for a long time or even live under the same roof begin to get used to each other over time. The romance, the attractiveness of their relationship, the intensity of feelings goes away. A man sometimes more and more often comes to the idea that he the chosen one is not the woman of his dreams , but continues to live with her, meeting her simply out of habit, out of inertia.
A man who already has some material wealth may not propose to his beloved woman for a long time, because he is not sure of her sincere feelings for him. He can suspect her of mercantile interests to his wealth, and in this situation the task of the chosen one is to prove her love to him, to convince him of the absence of greed.
A shy man who lacks self-confidence may be afraid to propose to a woman. for fear of being rejected . In the depths of his soul, he can picture to himself how he proposes his hand and heart, but in reality he cannot find the right moment to propose.

What should a woman do?beloved manwho is in no hurry to propose?

First of all, a woman in such a situation you need to calm down, pull yourself together . A mistake will be constant ultimatums on her part, tears with hysterics, persuasion and deceptive “moves”. You shouldn’t ask him when he’s about to propose, or constantly pester him with conversations about weddings, or trips to wedding salons. If a woman wants a man to remain courageous and independent, she should leave this decision to him , let go of this situation, enjoy the relationship and stop blackmailing your chosen one with tears.

Darling a man should feel that he is good and comfortable with his woman. A woman knows one of the ways to this goal - this is the path through his stomach. It has already been proven that what brings people together most of all is not passion, but common mutual interests, hobbies, and entertainment. A woman needs to show concern for her chosen one, sincerely empathize and be interested in his affairs, and not pretend. Very soon the man will feel that he simply cannot live without his beloved and will propose.
The biggest mistake women make before marriage is becoming his property , wife from the very beginning of the relationship. Even living together, a woman should wisely keep her distance - for example, not wash his things, not turn into a housekeeper and cook. A man gets everything he needs from such a woman, and there is no reason for him to marry.
Very often civil marriages become the reason for the complete “collapse” of relationships , a man’s reluctance to take on all these worries and responsibilities. When a couple begins to solve everyday “mundane” issues together, a great test comes for feelings, and very often they do not pass it. If a woman really wants to marry this man, she does not need to agree to a civil marriage with him, because it is only for a woman than simple cohabitation.
At the beginning of a relationship with a man a woman should not close herself within four walls . She can even accept signs of attention from other men - without, of course, provoking attacks of jealousy in her chosen one. You can be late for meetings, or even reschedule a date several times to another time or another day. A man is a hunter, his excitement awakens when he sees that his “prey” is about to run away from him. A woman needs to always be different, always enigmatic and mysterious, so that a man would be interested in discovering her again - and this would turn into a necessary tradition for him.
In order to be much more interesting to the chosen one, closer to your beloved man, a woman can meet his parents, friends, colleagues . It is necessary to show feminine wisdom and ingenuity, find an approach to everyone and create only a favorable impression of her. You should never speak badly about someone close to your man - this can push him away from the woman he loves overnight.
Should dream more often about the future, paint pictures of happy prospects for your chosen one , saying: “If we are together, then...” Over time, the man will already think in terms of the pronoun “we,” smoothly moving on to thoughts about legitimizing the relationship.
Woman You shouldn’t focus yourself only on relationships, on feelings, and especially on marriage. . She must continue her studies, achieve success at work and career growth, and appear independent and strong. A man does not want his woman to turn into a housewife after marriage, so a woman should pay all her attention to herself, be self-sufficient and independent.
Feelings mean nothing without mutual understanding. A woman should become not only a man’s lover, but also his girlfriend , interlocutor. It is necessary to be interested in the affairs and work of your loved one, give him good advice, help, support. A man should feel that he has a very reliable rear.

In order for a woman to understand whether there is really a good reason why her chosen one is postponing the moment of marriage to an indefinite future, or whether he simply does not want to marry her, some time must pass. If she has done everything on the above points, but her chosen one demonstrates rare coldness towards her, and does not reciprocate her feelings in any way, keeping a distance, maybe he's just not her man . This is a difficult decision, but it is necessary to let go of the situation without clinging to it, and devote time to yourself, waiting for new relationships and new, already real, feelings.

Men are by nature silent creatures (at least that’s how they position themselves). They don't like to go into long, lengthy explanations. They almost never write articles that would reveal to us the veil of secrets of their mysterious soul. Therefore, most often we have to figure everything out ourselves, guided by the same feminine logic. The only saving grace is that men are extremely simple in their behavior. Like hamsters.

So this is the thoughtful conclusion I came to during my personal practice and observing the lives of my friends. It's only our own fault that men don't want to marry us. Do you know how we discourage them from legal marriage? We make it so that they live too well outside of it!
Let's look at the most standard scheme for the development of any relationship. A man and a woman meet. The bouquet-candy period begins, which lasts a maximum of six months. Usually at this stage both move away from their friends and give up hobbies because they are too absorbed in each other. Gradually the euphoria dissipates. Ordinary quarrels begin, which quickly fade away. The man and woman are slowly returning to their interests. They make mutual friends. Some more time passes - say, a year - and they begin to think that it would be nice to continue living together. And they come together to a common living space... This is where the ambush begins.

Of course, this scheme is very conditional, and variations are possible in it. But in general, everything seems to be true, you must agree. And it seems reasonable and right to try to live together to understand how compatible you are in everyday life. Any sane person will say that even shared weekends and vacations together are a completely different matter. So what is the mistake here?

I remember one comic book well. A man and a woman are sitting in a restaurant on a date. And a variety of pictures flash through her head: she sees children, a house by the sea, a large car, a dog, a wedding, etc. Dozens of slides change at breakneck speed. And the man has only one thought that pulsates in his head throughout their meeting: “Sex. Sex. Sex".

All! And now the question is: what prevents them from receiving all of the above in a civil marriage?

Civil marriage is a trick invented by men in order to realize their rights and safely avoid responsibilities. Well, tell me: why would a man change anything in this situation? And the saddest thing is that we ourselves bring them all these benefits on a silver platter, without demanding anything in return.

Once I discussed with my friend - I must say, a very independent girl with a broad-minded view on the issue of gender - a relationship with her boyfriend. They had been dating for about 4 years—that is, they were dating. I asked if they were planning to move in together. To which she categorically replied: “Well, no! I'm not going to radically change my life just to cook in other people's pots and clean up someone else's apartment. If only I get married." At the time, I thought it was shocking. Now I understand that perhaps there is a large amount of common sense in this.

At the same time, I consider civil marriage a good topic and do not reject it at all. But how can you avoid becoming his hostage? There should be only 2 ways out of it: either you quarrel and run away, realizing that you are not made for each other, or you safely go to the registry office. With the first option, everything is very clear - there is no and there is no trial. But with the second it is more difficult. After all, each of us wants to be given a diamond ring under the most romantic circumstances with the words: “Make me the happiest person in the world - become my wife!” Just like they show in the movies! It’s somehow inappropriate to squeeze the throat of your loved one with an iron grip and hiss in his face: “Marry me, marry me immediately!” - this does not correspond to our concept of romance.

However, it will have to. Not so radical, of course, but you can’t do without dotting the t’s.

Let's start with the fact that if you are just going to live together, it is better to immediately explain to your loved one that you are not ready to drag out this stage of the relationship. Agree on how much time you both will commit to this marriage demo. Only this period should be reasonable. If a man claims that he needs at least 10 years to realize that he has found his only and beloved woman, run!

If you think that the pause has been prolonged, it is better not to suffer daily from a nervous itch and not tormented by the question “Why doesn’t he marry me?”, but ask it honestly. Of course, everything in this life is individual, but for me personally there is nothing worse than uncertainty.

So, you choose a moment when you are both in no hurry, healthy, enjoying your vacation, in short, as close to a family idyll as possible, and ask that very sacramental question: will we ever get married? You can formulate it however you like, but the main thing is that he must understand that you are serious and you won’t be able to avoid answering. And then watch his reaction.
Right answers:
- Great idea! How about September? We'll just have time to save up for the wedding.
- I didn't know it was important to you. But if so, let's get married. How do you see this event?
- In November I have a dissertation defense / quarterly planning / closing mortgage payments. Let's get back to this issue then, OK? (if new obstacles loom for him in November, it’s worth thinking about).

Incorrect answers:
- Darling, you make me happy every day! We are already married! Who needs these conventions?
- Here's another! I'm not going to spend crazy money, meet your relatives from Tyumen and participate in idiotic competitions just because of your quirks!
-Who the hell needs us?..

Believe me: if a man loves, he will marry. If he doesn't get married, you are just a waiting room for him, not a destination. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Listen to your heart and don't let yourself get lost in your own illusions.

Nowadays there are a lot of men who refuse to enter into legal marriage. Statistics show that the age of men getting married has increased by 10 years. Nowadays, on average, men are ready to enter into a serious relationship at 30-35 years old. Psychologists even managed to coin a new term for such men – anti-marriage syndrome.

Before looking for the answer to the question a man doesn’t want to marry, what to do, let’s look at several types of men who, according to psychologists, may never marry a woman.

A man doesn’t want to get married, what to do - types of men who are afraid of marriage

Nowadays, a stamp in a passport no longer gives any guarantee that your chosen one will be with you all his life. Women, just like men, prefer civil marriage, that is, cohabitation. However, this trend is much less noticeable among women. Let's find out if your man belongs to the typology below of men who do not want to get married.
“A man doesn’t want to get married, what should I do?”

Type 1 of men – life is an adventure

People call such men revelers. His need for a family comes last. Such men do not establish strong connections with women, they do not become attached to places and people. The decision not to get married is made consciously. The word routine and everyday life scares him. Such men believe that the family will not give them anything new. And the thought of life with one single girl does not inspire them to run to the registry office. And children, in general, will not inspire them to take this step either.

These men are very insidious, they attract women to themselves with their strength and independence. But they need a lot of freedom and personal space. With close communication, it becomes clear that they are egoists who rely only on their own strengths.

You will not be able to re-educate such a man, especially if he is not yet 40 years old. Perhaps by the age of 50 he will understand that it would be nice to start a family.

Type 2 of men - disappointed

This man has a negative experience of starting a family, and is afraid to step on the same rake again. He developed a stereotype that a mark in a passport does not strengthen a marriage, but, on the contrary, spoils the relationship.

If you meet such a man, do not try to prove him otherwise. You don't owe him anything.

If you want to marry this particular man, you should let everything take its course. You will not be able to prove to him that you are better than your ex-wife and will not betray him. All you can do is surround him with your attention and love. But don’t wait forever; if he continues to refuse, give him a choice.

Type 3 of men - indecisive

This category is headed by all men who do not want to get married and are not included in the previous two. His condition suggests that he is not completely convinced that you are the best woman in the world. He loves you, but something prevents him from making a choice in your favor. Perhaps he is afraid of missing out on something better.

In such a situation, 2-3 years of relationship is enough for this type of man to decide. If the years go by and a man does not want to get married, it means that he is afraid to take responsibility for your happiness together. Reasons like we don’t have money for a wedding right now or we need to buy an apartment first are all excuses.

A man doesn’t want to get married, what to do - What are men who don’t want to get married afraid of?

« The man doesn't want to get married»

Why a man doesn’t want to get married, avoids talking about the wedding - every girl needs to know this in order to get married successfully .

According to psychologists, there are 3 main reasons why a man does not want to get married.

First reason– this is the fear of leaving a free bachelor life forever. A man, weighing all the pros and cons of marriage, comes to the conclusion that he does not want to give up night fishing with friends, communicating with them for the sake of a washed shirt, clean underwear and regular meals. Give your man the confidence that you are not going to take away all his dreams, time and interests. Perhaps after this conversation, you will hear the cherished proposal.

The second reason– this is the fear of losing financial sovereignty. A man does not want to get married because he is not happy with control, much less control of his salary. Maybe you are too often interested in the financial side of your life together. For a woman in this situation, the right decision will be to achieve financial independence from a man. This will help the financial issue not become a subject that influences the man not to want to get married.

Third reason– negative past experience. If your man had a lady (mother, grandmother, neighbor, first love) who negatively influenced his life, then his reluctance to marry seems quite logical. The man is afraid to step into the same river a second time. As a rule, such men have low self-esteem and a high degree of self-doubt. In this situation, there may be a second reason for the fear of marriage; he is sure that no relationship can surpass the past (as a rule, the so-called “mama’s boys” have such fears). This is a difficult case that requires working through all the accumulated fears and anxieties of a man (with the help of a specialist).

What other reasons could there be why a man does not want to get married?

The reason is you. Perhaps you are too categorical in your statements, criticize his achievements or say offensive phrases. A man may not show that you have offended him, but he will also not be in a hurry to propose to you. Watch your statements. Use the “I” message in conversations (“I feel that...” “I’m worried that...” rather than “you should and must...”)
You are asking the impossible from a man. You lack attention, you demand it, and the man begins to avoid you. Learn to feel the golden edge that does not alienate a man. The man himself must want to get closer. Our girls, seeing a guy, decide that he will be their husband, and begin to actively pursue and woo him. But a man wants to make decisions himself - this is inherent in him by nature.
The third option is when a man does everything for the sake of a woman, but she begins to demand an offer from him. The girl seems to suit him, the only thing that becomes an obstacle is that he has lost the opportunity to win her. And all because she starts any conversation with the words: “when will we get married?” He will continue to defend his right to manhood.
The reason why a man does not want to get married may be a contradiction like “I want to propose to her, but I can’t.” This may be due to a certain faith, nationality, parental rules.

A man doesn’t want to get married, what to do - how to push a man towards marriage?

« The man doesn't propose marriage»

According to statistics, the most favorable period for a proposal is a proposal made 1 – 2.5 years into a joint relationship. Why? Psychologists say that this is the most favorable time to get married. The likelihood of a strong union increases. The couple already has information about the partner’s habits, norms of behavior and enough passion to solve joint problems.

If you have just met a man and are already planning a wedding, it is unlikely that you will have time to get to know him in various life situations. In the future, due to such haste, conflicts arise among couples.

It is more likely that a marriage proposal will occur in couples who have not lived together. If a couple has experience living together, the man will not rush to the registry office, because he already receives all the delights of living together and painting does not stimulate him.

There are other cases when a man is not ready for intimacy. The woman begins to gradually move towards him herself. Inadvertently leaves a toothbrush, a sweater, jeans, cosmetics... This option can work and the man will ask you to marry him.

But if you do not live in the same territory, and this continues for more than one year, and conversations about marriage are not accepted by the man, then the man does not expect a long life together with you.

To push him to take this step, you should ask the question: “how do you see yourself after three years?” If he starts talking only about himself, and doesn’t even remember you, then ask another question: “If I understand correctly, I’m not there? I'm not putting any pressure on you, but I'm worried about my future and I need to think about it too. Of course, this is the business of each of us.” Calmly clarifying the situation will not ruin your relationship if the man takes you seriously. If he is playing for time and refuses to specify the situation on his part, you probably won’t get anything from him. Remember that years fly by quickly and if you realize that you want a family and children, do not hesitate to find out what plans your other half has for you. Otherwise, you may be left with nothing.

How else can you push a man who doesn’t want to propose marriage? You can move him away from you a little, start spending more time on yourself and your hobbies. Perhaps the man’s anxiety will push him to do this. If he is serious, he will be ready to do anything to keep you with him.

When a man does not show interest in marriage, but does not leave, you should try to take a wait-and-see approach. We have already said that a man is ready for marriage closer to 30 - 40 years old. If you put pressure on him and demand, he, of course, can and will agree to the marriage, but will it be his decision and why do you need such a marriage.

A man doesn’t want to get married, what to do - psychology

The minor, the hero of Fonvizin’s work, declared to his parents:

“I don’t want to study, I want to get married.”

Of course, not from an abundance of love for family life, but from a reluctance to comprehend science. Modern men would most likely prefer to suffer and study for a long time than to rush to the registry office.

Psychologists state the problem of changing the form of the family; today many young couples live in a so-called “civil marriage”. And what’s interesting is that there is confusion in concepts, because a legal marriage, legally formalized, is what is called civilian because it's installed civil law. And what happens everywhere when young people live without a wedding is rather cohabitation, and although the expression sounds somewhat rude, this is exactly how this form of relationship is interpreted in jurisprudence.

The main reasons for “civil marriages”

Let's name the main reasons for so-called "civil marriages" or simply find out why men don't want to get married.

First of all, this lack social guarantees for young people from the state. Today, the concept of student weddings, which existed 15-20 years ago, has practically disappeared. After university, young people are concerned about finding a job, then build a career, and somehow solve the housing problem.
The notorious fear of taking responsibility for another person in our difficult and unstable times.
Absence material base: there is no well-paid job, no apartment, no car, and sometimes no money for this very wedding. When everything is done, you can start a family.
Fear lose freedom and change something in your already established life. As long as everyone is happy with everything - the couple is together, if problems arise - they separate without difficulty. But if there is a stamp in the passport, everything is not so simple and there may be aggravated consequences in the event of a divorce.
The very attitude towards a wedding between a girl and a young man is completely different. If for her a wedding is the embodiment fairytale childhood dream: a white dress, a veil, a carriage and she is dazzlingly beautiful, then for him it is just a transition from one period of life to another, as they say, life “before” and “after”. The man argues: “Yes, what a wedding, what’s the difference and what can change stamp in the passport?»
Negative experiences of divorce, which happen to others soon after marriage. It would seem like just yesterday that passionately loving people who get along well with each other suddenly changed at once. Discord began, the behavior of both one side and the other changed. Yesterday's bride, feeling that she is now a wife and there is no need for her to please her chosen one, begins to show her character. Newlyweds, unprepared for family life, simply give in to the daily responsibilities of everyday life.
Very often this is lack of love. Sometimes, with protracted, unformed relationships, falling in love passes, but true love is in no hurry to take its place. There is a loss of freshness and acuity of feelings, relationships become sluggish, gray without a golden core. Romantic relationships are being replaced by, simply put, “everyday life”: the first complaints and disappointments begin to arise. And this situation does not cause a desire for marriage; rather, on the contrary, the potential groom doubts whether it is worth committing his life to this woman at all.
It is not uncommon for the woman herself creates the preconditions for long-term civil marriages, she begins to live together with a man, without even trying set some conditions. A man already has everything he wants, why create additional problems for himself with marriage. Everything is easy and simple.
It happens that the wedding process itself is scary, its organizational moment, preparation, turmoil, responsibility, nervousness and experiences of this period. But besides this, there is also the joy of the holiday, the beauty of the moment, emotions and a feeling of unprecedented happiness to see it in the eyes of your bride.
And an equally common reason is that it simply doesn’t occur to the potential groom that it’s time to get married, that the girl has been waiting for the coveted marriage proposal for a long time. Therefore, a girl should not be afraid to hint or say directly: “Let’s get married!”

As you can see, there are enough reasons not to rush to the registry office. And it’s one thing if such a situation suits both parties, and another if a woman is waiting - she won’t wait for the cherished proposal, exhausting herself with thoughts, sometimes getting irritated by this, becoming intolerant, angry, and thereby worsening the relationship without even knowing it.

And although, often, a woman does not demonstrate her long-ripened desire to be a wife, believe me, everyone dreams of being proposed to, if, of course, there is love between them.

How and how to encourage a man to propose to a girl

What to do if the man you love doesn’t propose and doesn’t want to get married?

If a girl is already ready for family life and is confident in her feelings, there is no need to wonder why she does not receive an invitation to the registry office. You just need to ask your loved one about it.
If you can’t directly ask the question yourself, you can ask your close friends or relatives about this, let them casually ask your fiancé’s opinion about your future together. But these must be trusted people whom you trust. Otherwise, there can only be harm from such participation.
If there are reasons, you can try to solve them together or wait for a while. But you can wait your whole life... After all, there are quite frequent cases where people get used to this form of relationship, give birth to illegitimate children, and at the same time she considers herself married, and he considers himself a free person.
In no case should you strive to please your potential groom, go through all sorts of tricks, change your style of behavior, be obsequious and fulfill all his whims. As noted, this does not give results, because the true reason for your reluctance to get married is not unknown to you.

Almost always, any woman wants to be a legal wife, and dreams of the treasured ring on her finger. Therefore, a man does not need to be dishonest with her, if, of course, she deserves to be called a wife. And if she is unworthy of marriage, you should not continue the relationship, you need to find the courage and strength to end it.

In any case, it is important to be able to find out the reason for what is happening and figure it out yourself. Sometimes it is not so simple, the opinion of a specialist is important. Perhaps the books of Leslie Garner, Brian Luke Seaward will help you “Crises are life lessons. Life in harmony (set of 2 books)" .

P.S. Psychologists and civil registry office workers state a fact growth in the first months of 2015 in the number of marriages and weddings despite the ongoing economic crisis. The reason lies in the fact that it is easier to optimize everyday expenses and solve the most complex problems together.

After all, it’s always easier to live together!

And I want them to tell you: “Let’s get married” :)

Leave your questions, opinions, tell us about your “civil marriage” relationship. How did this article help you?