What do men need???
The experience is small, but it cannot be ignored!
Men are cowards! Cowards and hypocrites by nature. Everything seems easy and simple to them, but in reality, in order to decide on any more or less important step, they will turn themselves inside out and blow the minds of everyone close to them!
Relationships, or rather interruption of relationships. The process depends on many factors, including the length of the relationship, the duration of PMS and the opinions of the parents!
Girls can break off relationships if they feel that this relationship is useless... a woman is guided by a sense of self-preservation... well, and a little beautiful self-love. As for men... no... they cannot refuse a woman just like that... because they realized that this is not their princess, queen, goddess and other comparative metaphors that sometimes make you sick! They can’t tell a girl that it’s over, dear! No certainty... what kind of people are they? During a breakup in men, the main role is played by 2 basic instincts: a) the instinct of the hunter and b) the instinct of the owner. We are not talking about any self-preservation! All men are GREEDY! Caught, shot, conquered and that’s it... only mine and no one else’s. Men don't know how to let go! And even more so to share. But women can... I don’t know what’s better! Another important reason that holds any man like a magnet: “Oh gods!!! What will she say to her friends about me? How will she treat me after our breakup? What if she considers me a bastard, a goat, a bastard (and other comparatively unpleasant expressions)? How am I going to live with this? A woman does not have such questions!!! If a woman decides that’s it! This is the end! So it’s the end... yes, yes, yes.. maybe in a few days, months, years she will become (attention) bored and she will remember her EX-man and think.. hmm... but in general it was not bad.. . some individuals will even try to return... but all this will be sluggish and not for long... and if it lasts for a long time, it means she hasn’t decided anything! But I just notified everyone that they say... I decided to do such an amazing act! And now, dear girlfriends, take me to boutiques, restaurants, bars and clubs in search of a real prince... but soon it became boring again... and I need to return to the proven option! Men!!! darlings! If a girl has finally decided, then she will never return to you!!! (but in order for a woman to finally decide, she needs to be properly pestered... and this is not just a matter of tolerance during PMS...)
In men, chemical processes in the brain proceed more slowly than usual =) and this is a fact! It’s easier for them to get confused in relationships than for girls! Hence the betrayal! YES! Nowadays, everything can be explained scientifically! Cheating for a man is a way to find inner balance, and for a woman it is a way to change her life. Yes, for women everything is much more radical and irrevocable. Men are more easy-going. Remember how many times you quarreled. Who came first to make peace??? The girl will be proud to the last that she is right (no matter who is right), while the man has already come to terms with the fact that his other half is a fool, and runs around flower shops in search of her favorite plants! Another very interesting feature! Most men don’t get hung up on a quarrel; almost 90% don’t even remember how it all started. And women remember everything! (even if they laugh and nod their heads justifiably at your outpouring about what a wonderful relationship we have) We are fools! We store these grievances as precedents, archive and cherish and cherish them, so that later we can crush everyone’s beloved with the shelves of this endless catalog of grievances. Yes Yes! After all, when the arguments end and the quarrel is about to end, the girl realizes that she can’t stop. This is where heavy artillery comes to the rescue! If the current conflict is exhausted, there are many similar ones... let's apply them... right now, out of the blue! If the girl goes into a rage, then giant icicles will fly from the roofs. Yes, yes... and here no sex is needed.
Speaking of sex. With quarrels, much like with sex, everything is much simpler for men. They warmed up quickly, cooled down quickly... and for women? Yeah! We sway for a long time, and then we turn into insatiable grunts.
There is also a great feature! You could say it's folk wisdom! “I came up with it myself - I was offended” and why? Our dears, is it really difficult for you to pick up the phone, press the shortcut button and say that you are alive, healthy and busy! (oh, don’t forget to say the catchphrase - I just wanted to hear your voice!) and that’s it!! Liberty! Look, party, drink, have fun, work, change! At least the girl will get a good night's sleep, and won't sit and wait like a fool and play all sorts of nasty tricks on herself! By the way, despite your selfishness, our beloved, women first of all think that the man of her life first got hit by a car, then he crashed in the car, then he stupidly went with friends to drink beer, followed by the reasonable thought “he probably has a blockage in his head.” work”, then “maybe his best friend intercepted him” or “my mom probably called and asked me to go to the grocery store”... and only then... “damn... maybe he has someone?” , but this ridiculous thought is interrupted by a strong desire to call all the hospitals, morgues and police stations in the city (so that by this time the clock will be long past 2:00)! and a scandal about another girl and wild jealousy occurs only because you yourself have brought your other half to such a state... you should try to come home no later than 1:30, since at this time she is just beginning to suspect about her best friend or remembers that that his young man also has a job =)
The topic of the psychology of relations between opposite sexes is inexhaustible. This is because men and women differ not only in their physical characteristics, but also in their way of thinking, perception of situations, decision-making patterns and even gestures!
Sometimes these differences allow people to coexist peacefully with each other, and sometimes they can lead a family or a loving couple to a critical situation. It all depends on people’s reactions to each other, on the culture of communication and on the ability to think about where exactly the truth lies. If both sides approach each other in a balanced manner, it will be easier for them to reach mutual understanding.
What is the difference in the perception of the world between men and women?
Recently, psychologists have discovered so-called tunnel vision in men. In fact, this phenomenon was originally attributed specifically to vision as such. That is, it was noted that women have better developed lateral or peripheral vision than men.
This was due to the fact that the man was initially assigned the role of hunter and breadwinner. For him, the main thing was to see the target and see well into the distance. It was important for a woman to look after her home. This strategic position made it necessary for her to ensure that no predator approached the house.
Most of the time, the woman also had to look after the children, of which there were several, and who could scatter in all directions. Hence such good development of peripheral vision.
But even in decision-making, a woman can observe in a man what seems to her like a certain narrow-mindedness, an inability to correctly assess the situation and take into account all the nuances at once. And here the different psychology of the attitude of a man and a woman to the same problem manifests itself.
She may call his decision hasty. The man will be dissatisfied with the fact that, from his point of view, the woman hesitates and cannot immediately say what she thinks on a specific issue. He may even reproach her for simply not wanting to take responsibility.
What does the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman say about this?
You cannot demand that a woman make a decision without properly assessing the situation. She tries to take into account all the subtleties that she sees around her, to weigh everything, and this takes time. A man makes a decision, looking only in front of himself, that is, exclusively at pressing problems.
And if a woman brings up the problem itself for discussion, then a man brings a ready-made solution. A woman may think that this is selfishness on his part, because he decided everything for everyone himself and did not consult with anyone.
However, this is exactly what he advises. He fearlessly puts up for discussion what he has already tried to solve in some way. He is a man, and he is expected to act energetically, so he is ready to simply come up with some kind of plan, but then discuss it.
A woman, on the other hand, develops a plan without rushing, because usually no one demands decisive action from her. A man can see this as ordinary inaction, although it would be more correct to simply wait and give his significant other time to discuss and weigh all the pros and cons.
In other words, the decision formed by the stronger sex is open to discussion, and the female decision is formed after the discussion has been held. Therefore, in order to achieve harmony in this aspect of marital relations, you need to understand this difference and not rush to conclusions, otherwise the husband will always act like a “tyrant”, and the wife will always act like a “mumbler”. In fact, a man must be brave, so he exposes the decision to criticism. A woman must be careful, so she does some reconnaissance first.
Good luck and see you in the next article.
6. Stop playing games
How to get a man to give serious answers to important questions
We must honestly admit that a man, an essentially simple creature, can be cunning and resourceful, especially in relation to women. He will balance on the brink of the serious and the frivolous, giving out his true feelings in homeopathic doses while he decides whether he wants to stay with the woman or will look for another.
Maybe, for example, send a text message that will make the woman go into a state of ecstasy, and then not call for several days. He may take the girl he likes to restaurants for a whole month, and she will decide that alchemical processes accompanying the sacrament of love have certainly arisen between her and her gentleman. But then he can suddenly withdraw into himself - just when the time comes to announce his intentions and tell him where, in his opinion, the relationship should lead.
We men do this because we have the opportunity to choose. And it arises when several women are interested in us at once. Women are sometimes ready to share a man with someone else because they are afraid of loneliness and the need to start all over again with someone else.
In my first book, Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man, I wrote that if a woman really wants to find a man who will stay with her for a long time, she needs to overcome her fear. The moment she becomes fearless, members of the opposite sex lose power over her. If a guy knows that he can treat you with disrespect, not make enough efforts to win your attention, drag out a marriage proposal, and he will not get anything for it, he will definitely behave as I described.
Naturally, your task is to prevent this state of affairs. But this can only be achieved by firmly deciding that this time everything will be serious. This must be done before entering into a serious relationship with the man you like. Only in this case will you be able to make a decision whether to continue or stop dating him, looking at what is happening with your eyes wide open and not obeying momentary emotions.
You can understand a lot about a man before he comes into your life. You just need to pay enough attention to the questions. I'm not talking now about the five most important questions that every woman should ask a man to find out what kind of person he is (see the dictionary). But by asking a man, you get the opportunity to find out what your potential partner thinks about life and how he sees his relationship with you. I already talked about this in the first book.
Once you receive the answers, you will be able to analyze them and find out exactly the deep essence of the person in front of you. You will be able to see if he has the qualities that you think should be in a man with whom you could spend the rest of your days.
If a guy knows that he can treat you disrespectfully and nothing will happen to him for it, he will definitely behave that way.
To conduct an investigation successfully, you need to use your mental abilities and always remember the basic principle that we men never change: no matter what you women ask, we always answer in such a way as to appear better in your eyes than we are on the surface. actually.
Just like that, simple and unpretentious.
I'm willing to bet anything that in your entire history of relationships with men, not one of them has told it like it is, honestly, about themselves and their bad habits, at least on the first few dates. We are all adults and must understand that each person has his own story, his own failures, successes, shortcomings and advantages.
If the real story of every man corresponded to what he tells about himself, you, no doubt, would have long ago found the desired Prince Charming. So why don't you have ideal men? For what reason? Yes, because such things simply do not exist in nature.
Knowing that your biggest dream is for us to go crazy about you and not be able to live without you, men, of course, play on your weaknesses. A man carefully considers the answer to every question in order to give the impression that he is the one who is able to give you what you dream of. Essentially, we are selling you a Happy Future.
Tell a man that you are looking for someone who will offer you his hand and heart, and, of course, if he is really interested in you, he will say that he himself has long been striving to enter into a serious relationship with the one and only woman he loves. At the same time, he, of course, will not say that nothing worked out with the previous girl for the reason that he cheated on her.
Tell him that you would like to find a man who, like you, loves children, and he will immediately tell you in detail that he loves his nephews and nieces more than anything in the world. At the same time, he will, without a doubt, hide the dramatic story about children whom he simply abandoned and sees no more than once a month.
And, of course, you can believe me, on the first date you will not hear about an overdue loan, the alienation of real estate for debts, or that the gentleman lived in his mother’s house less than two months ago. On the contrary, he will try his best to impress with his wealth: he will show an expensive watch, a good suit and a beautiful car, which, quite possibly, he does not even have enough money to support due to the deplorable state of his financial affairs.
A man carefully considers the answer to every question in order to give the impression that he is the one you dream about.
Men do this because they think that by giving out information about the true state of affairs, they will not receive the main prize - you, dear women. Remember that, in fact, a man is not much different from a peacock, proudly unfurling his beautiful multi-colored tail, or a lion, stunning with his luxurious fiery mane.
The peacock smugly waves his colored feathers, the lion stands proudly in the middle of the flock, attracting females, and the man likes to flaunt his money, car, clothes, watches and business card with his job title on it to impress the woman. For us, all these things are extremely important - we use them to make bait, which we then throw into the water to catch fish; We really want her to take the bait.
Any man knows perfectly well that he cannot attract a woman with stories about how bad his financial affairs are, or that no one listens to his opinion at work, or that every Tuesday his wife comes to his house to write in red chalk on the garage door: "He's absolutely no good, watch out." No, he will try to wrap himself in an attractive wrapper so that you can admire it and admire him.
Let's admit the obvious: a woman usually limits herself to a couple of stereotypical questions, and then decides that in front of her, perhaps, is the very man she has been looking for for so long.
Every man knows perfectly well what interests a woman above all. He answers the first question in such a way as to appear in front of a new acquaintance from the most favorable angle. When she asks the second traditional question to find out a little more about a man, he will try to answer it even more smoothly so that the woman hears exactly what she wants.
Having received answers to these two questions, the woman, instead of continuing the interrogation and getting to the bottom of it, comes up with further answers on her own. You listen with such pleasure to the loud words: I want to start a family, I love children, I love my work and devote myself to it with pleasure, I love to cook, I understand art.
And you, instead of not taking all this on faith and trying to catch him in a lie, begin to repeat to yourself: “God, it’s him! He! Thank you, Lord, I found him!” You are content with the purely positive information that a man provides you with in response to superficial questions. You take it on faith, and then use it as an excuse for falling in love with a guy who seemed like the “ideal” man to you.
You never, until the moment when it’s too late and everything has already happened, admit that if you had asked more questions in due time and listened to the answers to them, a lot could have been avoided, because you would have immediately known what was in front of you per person.
You are not trying to conduct a serious investigation, because you are afraid that the man, having heard a stream of serious questions, will get out of harm's way. And you will lose a potentially good husband and a wonderful person. He, in turn, is not inclined to share truthful information, fearing that the ugly truth might prevent him from luring you in.
At first people are afraid of each other. And fear makes you hide Part truth.
Stop believing fairy tales. And men, of course, would only benefit if they started sharing truthful information with women. Firstly, then no one would be able to accuse them of lying, and such an accusation can become a serious obstacle to a good-hearted relationship. Secondly, having learned the truth, the woman whom the man really wants to see next to her will know who is with her and what he is capable of.
Admit it: a lot could have been avoided if you had asked your man more questions and listened carefully to the answers.
Often a man ruins an emerging relationship in the bud because he introduces a pernicious element at an early stage, hiding important information on the basis of which the woman makes important decisions for herself. When a woman learns with horror what she should have known from the very beginning, she begins to doubt everything - and in this case it is almost impossible to prove her good intentions.
Let's ask ourselves one question. Should a man tell the whole truth on the very first day of meeting him? Yes, of course it's worth it. It's fair, and it's fair to the woman. But not a single man will do this of his own free will, since the whole truth deprives his bright image in the eyes of a woman of a fair amount of radiance.
In addition, as a result of this behavior, the man ceases to be a fisherman holding a rod with bait on a hook in his hands and, in fact, transfers the tackle into the hands of the fish. Now that she knows a lot about him, it is up to her to decide whether to start a relationship with him or not. Frankness on the part of a man gives a woman the opportunity to judge with a high degree of probability how, for example, his old connections can affect her life.
She has received the information, can analyze it and decide whether it is worth shouldering all the baggage that goes along with the positive qualities that the man spoke about during the conversation. Yes, there are men who are ready to show all their dirty laundry right away. But this is rare. Very rare. So the task of getting to the very essence lies, like many other things, on your fragile shoulders.
To get to the bottom of this, you need to dig deeper.
Are you tired of being the victim? Because they are playing with you? That you always feel like you've found the one, and then it turns out that he's not at all the person he said he was? Don't go to bed with a man before you know everything you need to know about him. Try to find out as much as possible, and then decide whether you should start a close relationship with him or not.
To get all the information you need, you just need to ask three questions, I assure you. Moreover, this works in almost all cases.
By asking question #1, you will receive an answer that shows the man in the most favorable light.
By asking question #2, you will hear what you want to hear.
By asking question #3, you will come closer to understanding the true essence of things.
We have no choice but to start telling the truth after the third question. The fact is that men, as a rule, are not such hardened liars, and one should not forget about the power of female intuition. We give in when you begin to question us with the insight characteristic of women. Let's look at a few examples.
Question No. 1. Why did you break up with your previous girlfriend?
You know, I tried my best - worked like an ox to provide everything she needed, but she didn't understand my work ethic. She said she couldn't do this anymore.
Woman's reaction:
From his answer it follows that he loves and wants to work, and is trying to secure a happy future for himself.
In addition, the misfortune that befalls a man because he works too hard makes a woman want to take care of him. You say to yourself, “I would never leave a man just because he works too much. I would support him in everything.”
Question No. 2. If she supported you, would you try to maintain a relationship with her?
Certainly. I wanted a long, fruitful relationship. I needed a person who understood me, wanted to be close to me and shared my aspirations. I am looking for a woman who can support a man in everything and go through life hand in hand with him.
Woman's reaction:
He says what you want to hear. You are dealing with a responsible person who wants to build a long-term, fruitful relationship. He wants to take care of you and is ready to do anything for this.
A man knows very well that the loud words he uttered help him hook you. Now he can relax and let you think out what he didn’t say: imagine how he leaves the house in the morning with a briefcase in his hand, goes to work to work hard for the good of his family. When he returns, he hugs you with strong masculine arms and gently strokes you until you fall into a happy, peaceful sleep.
Of course, he himself did not say this, he did not provide any details. You did it yourself - because he answered your question with the words you wanted to hear. But don't stop there. Overcome the blissful nirvana of fantasies and try to find out everything to the end...
Question No. 3. So, you were a support for her, looked for reciprocal support in her, worked like an ox, took care of her and supplied her with everything she needed. How did it happen that you broke up after all? What could have happened to make her say, “I can’t do this anymore”?
Is it true:
Yes, I was looking for support, but I couldn’t get it at home, so I met another woman who gave me what I dreamed of.
Woman's reaction:
It turns out that he was simply an unfaithful husband, and his former wife, most likely, was not to blame for anything, which is why they separated. Yes, there are some important points: in particular, you need to understand what caused the infidelity, but the fact remains that the relationship ended because he behaved dishonestly and violated one of the basic commandments.
Now you know that this is a hardworking man looking for a woman who can support him in all his endeavors. But you also know that he is capable of cheating if he feels that his wife is not giving him what he expects.
Let's look at another example. One day, after The Steve Harvey Show, a woman wrote to me and said that she suspected that the man she was intimate with was not as good a father as he pretended to be. “He says he loves being a father,” she wrote. “She always speaks about children from a previous marriage with great enthusiasm...” I advised her to resort to the method of detailed questioning.
Question No. 1. What is your relationship with your children?
An answer that shows a man in the most favorable light:
Excellent. When I meet them, it always seems as if a miracle is happening before my eyes. My son looks so much like me - just as strong and athletic. And my daughter is so beautiful and smart. Wonderful children.
Woman's reaction:
Judging by this answer, he is a great father who adores children and wants to educate them. He spares no effort and wants his children to grow into worthy people. This circumstance appeals to a woman’s natural desire to have a man in the house who is happy to take part in raising children.
Question #2: What is your relationship with their mother?
The answer you want to hear is:
In cool ones. I try to keep my emotions in check around the children. It's not easy with her, but the kids are worth it.
Woman's reaction:
He says what you want to hear. From his words, an image appears in the mind of a good guy whose relationship with a woman has reached a dead end. This man is ready to overcome difficulties and put up with the fact that he has to communicate with his ex-wife, but the desire to be with his children is stronger. It turns out he's just some kind of superhero.
There is nothing sexier to a woman than a man who can break steel bars and jump onto tall buildings to get to his children. You imagine how he gently strokes your belly during pregnancy, reads books to the kids and, without straightening, stands near the stove, preparing home-cooked food for you and the children. At this time, you are somewhere nearby and look at him in awe, amazed that you were able to find such an amazing man.
You didn't take into account that he actually made it clear that his ex-wife reluctantly allows him to see the children, and he sees them only when the opportunity arises, and therefore, irregularly, and certainly not in the appropriate comfortable circumstances in which it is possible to normally communicate. You should develop this topic...
Question #3: If, as you say, you and your ex-wife are on cool terms, how does this affect the children?
Is it true:
We're not on very good terms, and I don't get to see the kids as often as I'd like. In fact, I see them no more than once a month, and sometimes I talk on the phone. But in conversations it is felt that some alienation has arisen between us. And all this because of the drama that happened between me and their mother.
Woman's reaction:
The man could only admit that the same drama happened between him and his children as between him and their mother. It is this that prevents him from being the magnificent father that he tried to appear to you when answering the first question.
Additionally, the ex-wife may have good reasons for limiting the time he spends with the children. Or maybe she’s just an abnormal woman, a fury. Who knows, but you definitely have something to think about, since you may have to deal with some unpleasant circumstances if you decide to continue dating this man. This could be, for example, a dramatic, tense relationship with his ex-wife, or, conversely, he may prove to be not a very good father if you have children together.
By understanding this situation in detail, you are able to make an informed decision. You will be able to analyze the information received and say to yourself: yes, I want to maintain a relationship with this man.
Asking questions is not at all difficult - you women are inquisitive by nature. You still talk about these kinds of things with your girlfriends when it comes to discussing men. In conversations with them, you sometimes show miracles of insight. So why not discuss this with a man? Put aside the romance of falling in love for a while and listen to everything a man says with an unclouded mind.
In conversations with your friends, you show miracles of insight. So why do you let your guard down when interacting with an attractive man?
When Marjorie, then my fiancée, and I started dating again after a long break, she questioned me with unusual skill. Of course, she knew the unpleasant rumors about me. After all, I am a public person, and, naturally, all sorts of nonsense is said about me.
It is enough to open the page of a search service, Google for example, and enter my name as a query. And here you go, everything good, bad, scary, true and implausible will appear before your eyes. She knew that I had wives and that the relationship with them had reached a dead end. Marjorie knew well what I was like, and this was a definite advantage for me.
To begin with, she asked why my two marriages failed. I had an explanation ready. “I used to tour actively, and it was difficult to find me at home,” I answered without embellishment. - The longer I was away, the higher the wall grew between me and my wife. I worked and tried to ensure that the family did not need anything, but material well-being was not enough.”
I made a veiled attempt to get her to stop asking questions about this topic: I made it clear that I was a devoted husband and a hardworking person. But Marjorie was not satisfied with this. “But why did you decide that your wife is not suitable for you? - she asked. “Maybe you’re not meant for a family at all?”
To the second question, I again gave a prepared answer, told her what she wanted to hear. “You know, I’m a romantic, and I like the idea of marriage. I want a long-term relationship, I want to start a family. Even two unsuccessful marriages did not affect my beliefs. I have achieved a lot, but I lack a person with whom I could share my success. I would like to find a woman who would be devoted to me, who would support me in everything, even when I am not around, because at this time I am working to provide for my family.”
“I'm looking for a woman who would rejoice in every blessing God has given me,” I explained. Next we discussed the details of my failed marriages: we talked about how my first marriage fell apart when I decided to become a touring comedian. Then we moved on to the troubles that I was experiencing directly during the conversation, since at that moment a difficult divorce process was going on.
Now, I thought, it was done - Marjorie would probably like what I had to say and would want to stay with me. But she was not satisfied; she wanted to know more. Not because she was trying to convict me of something, no. She needed to make sure her heart was in good hands.
By that time, Marjorie herself had experienced two marriages that ended in nothing, but her life could not be considered a failure - she raised children and knew perfectly well what she wanted to see in a man with whom she could enter into a long-term relationship. She knew that it was not at all necessary to have a man nearby at any cost - you could be lonely, but at the same time a happy person. But if I was destined to enter into a relationship with someone again, she reasoned, let not only me be ready for them, but also the man, the future partner and husband. Several days had passed since our first discussion, and Marjorie asked a third question: “I understand that things turned out differently when you began touring with a comedy program. But what made you leave home?
I already told her what put me in the best light (that I can and love to work). And during the second conversation, I told her what she wanted to hear (that I was a romantic, looking for a companion with whom I could share the hardships of life). But what is the answer to the third question?
I had run out of straw to lay down, and I had used up the transparent cloth with which to veil the truth. How could I cover up the naked truth? It became clear to me that she would not stop asking questions until she got to the bottom of it. So, we need to talk frankly, I decided. There was an honest conversation during which I admitted to Marjorie that I was too young when I first got married. You shouldn't have gotten married at the age of twenty-four.
I was not capable of becoming a real husband, and all the troubles that happened during the time that we were married happened through my fault. The wife had absolutely nothing to do with it. I loved, had the courage to declare my rights to my wife and defended as best I could, but provide I couldn't do everything I needed.
Not only could I not provide for it, I didn’t even have a plan for the future. When I was nine years old, I began to dream of a career in television, but did nothing practical to hasten the moment of triumph. I went to college but couldn't finish. Then I worked at Ford Motor and, sitting at my workplace, dreamed of a career as a TV star, but I didn’t know how to achieve this.
It became clear to me that she would not stop asking questions until she got to the bottom of it. And I had to tell the truth.
“My wife didn’t believe in my bright future. But (and this is the most important thing) I myself was not sure that it would ever come, I told Marjorie.
And yet I was offended by her, and at the same time by other people who did not share my dreams. As you can see, with this approach, I could not stay at home with her.”
I told her the truth about my second marriage. When I got married for the second time, my career reached its zenith. I began to reap laurels, and I did it to the detriment of my family. It doesn't matter what my reasons were for doing what I did. Every time I remember that period and try to understand why my marriage broke up, I come to the same conclusion: it was all my fault, and I behaved in such a way that no normal wife could stand it.
Marjorie asked the necessary questions and received as much information as she needed to understand what my true self was. I admitted that I was too touchy, didn't know how to make plans, and left my first wife because I couldn't cope with my own life. Of course, from this angle, I no longer looked like such a good guy as before.
In addition, I admitted that I had cheated on my second wife, and this made my situation even worse. But all this was true, and Marjorie had the opportunity to study the clauses of the contract that she, figuratively speaking, had to sign. By the way, after telling her everything as it was, I myself thought about my behavior and realized that if I want my marriage with Marjorie to be happy, I need to look after myself very carefully.
After this conversation, Marjorie began to monitor the way I behaved, and subsequently admitted that I had changed a lot. She saw that I was doing everything possible to make our relationship with her cloudless. When I went on tour, I called her to my place at every suitable opportunity. She knew that she could call my home number at any time of the day or night, and I would answer the phone. When we were together, I stayed up with my cell phone in my arms, so she could see who was calling me and sending messages at any time. She saw a man packed with luggage and ready to go on a journey to find true love. She liked what she saw. And soon she admitted it, saying: “Yes, you suit me. This is exactly the kind of husband I was looking for.”
But she needed to come to this decision on her own, collect all the necessary information, evaluate it, draw the appropriate conclusions and understand what she would and would not tolerate for any good in the world. But she did not have to face unpleasant surprises and invent Jesuit tricks to find out the truth. Marjorie simply asked questions and did not stop searching until she found the treasure - the truth.
After this conversation, Marjorie began to monitor the way I behaved, and subsequently admitted that I had changed a lot.
Every woman should know that she, too, can do what my wife did, provided she acts with the same persistence, tact and insight. You can't incriminate your man like Bill Duke did that guy in the movie Public Menace. If you remember, in one of the scenes the main character sits in an interrogation room, a bright light hits him in the face, he stutters and sweats, and Bill looks at him with a piercing gaze and says every time the suspect opens his mouth: “You know what you're in for.” , A?" There are no men in the world who are willing to take a lie detector test and endure CIA-style interrogation of their own free will.
But there is one important circumstance: we ourselves begin to tell the truth when some time has passed since our meeting. You have ninety days (I talked about this period in the first book - “Act like a woman, think like a man”); This time is enough to figure out who you are dealing with. If you really want to find out the truth, tell the man: “I like sincere people, I get turned on when I hear the truth.” After such a statement, he will begin to diligently lay out everything he has. Because in your words there is a hint of the possibility of intimacy, and this is a true truth serum for a man: “What did you say? Does the truth turn you on? ABOUT! Great! So, what were we talking about? Have I already told you this?..”
Well, maybe he won’t tell the whole truth at all. But motivation will appear, and the desire to tell everything as it is will be there. Consequently, the efforts spent on the search for truth will be rewarded.
Tell your man: “I like sincere people, I get turned on when I hear the truth.” After such a statement, he will begin to diligently lay out everything he has.
From the book All the secrets of the stronger sex author Belov Nikolay VladimirovichBad advice: 10 ways to make a man run away from you after a wedding Having a wedding is a simple matter, but saving a family is also a task! People ask me how to make sure that the man I love stays with me for life. This is quite possible if you use my
From the book How to understand that your interlocutor is lying: 50 simple rules author Sergeeva Oksana MikhailovnaRule No. 10 Do not solve fundamentally important issues over the phone Modern communication technologies have brought changes to our daily communication. We began to prefer telephone communication to direct contact with the interlocutor - firstly, it is faster,
From the book All the Ways to Catch a Liar [Secret CIA Methods Used in Interrogations and Investigations] by Crum DanStep No. 3. Before asking important questions, remember to come down “FROM HEAVEN TO EARTH” Step No. 3 reminds you to first come down “FROM HEAVEN TO EARTH”, that is, reset your eyes and ears and look and listen, and only then start asking questions to open the window
From the book Classification of Men by Types and Orders: A Complete Periodic System of Male Advantages and Disadvantages by Copland DavidHOW TO GET A MAN TO TAKE COMMITMENT Most women try to force a man to commit using completely unacceptable methods. Often a conversation on this topic comes down to the fact that a woman puts a man before a choice: either be me
From the book The Language of Relationships (Man and Woman) by Piz AlanHow to get a man to listen Set aside a special time for conversation, tell him the topic and warn him that no decisions or planning are expected of him. Say: “I would like to tell you about my day. Will afternoon suit you? I don't need any
From the book Charisma. The art of successful communication by Piz Alan15 How to get a man to listen Research shows that men use a number of rules when communicating with each other. If you are a woman, you should know these rules and follow them when communicating with men. Here are the basic rules of male speech, formulated based on data,
From the book Verbal Self-Defense by Glass LillianChapter 13 Enough is enough! How to retreat on time In this chapter How to understand that it’s time to retreat Stop forgiving verbal torture The law of “three strikes” How to know that it’s already over Don’t look back How to heal wounds When the end comes
by Muriel SchiffmanHow to Stop Playing Dangerous Games Suppose two people are playing a game similar to the one presented in the previous chapter: the wife unknowingly provokes the husband to act out some role from her past, and he, for his own ulterior motives, is tempted to respond to her failure
From the book Facing the Subconscious [Techniques of personal growth using the example of self-therapy] by Muriel SchiffmanHow to stop playing dangerous games In a previous article, I described my method of self-therapy. Using this method, I have developed several tools for a) recognizing dangerous games in marriage, b) identifying hidden reasons for these games, and c) changing the behavior of such
From the book Facing the Subconscious [Techniques of personal growth using the example of self-therapy] by Muriel SchiffmanHow to Stop Playing Dangerous Games Eric Berne goes into detail about how to recognize some of our dangerous games, but is a little vague on how to stop them. From the stories given in his book Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy, it follows that when one of the
From the book 1000 men's secrets that a real woman should know, or A Journey through Bluebeard's Castle author Lifshits Galina MarkovnaHow to get a man to do what you want We live in a society that declares gender equality. This means that we not only have equal rights, but also equal responsibilities. A man, like a woman, is obliged to take care of elderly parents. Man, like woman,
From the book Serious Conversation about Responsibility [What to do with disappointed expectations, broken promises and inappropriate behavior] author Patterson KerryShould we play word games? Father is on edge. For the last hour and a half of a sweltering summer night, all he can do is look at his watch. And he tries very hard not to get angry. It's 1:24 and the door finally opens. My daughter is standing on the threshold. The father says: “Shelley, you’re late!” “Come on!”
From the book How to learn to manage people, or If you want to be a leader author Solomonov OlegAfterword, or Small but very important questions... ...which I asked myself and to which I tried to give as comprehensive an answer as possible in my book, relying on theoretical material, my own life experience and (to a greater extent!) on the opinions of others
From the book Teach Yourself to Think! by Buzan TonyANSWERS TO TEST QUESTIONS AND NEW QUESTIONS Answers to test questions 1. Memorization while memorizing When answering questions, do not return to the original list.1. Write in order all the words that you were able to remember.2. How many words from the beginning of the list did you remember?
From the book All the best methods of raising children in one book: Russian, Japanese, French, Jewish, Montessori and others author Team of authors From the book Man and Woman: The Art of Love by Enikeeva DilyaHow many books and articles have been written on the topic of relationships between a man and a woman, and still many questions remain unanswered. Especially the question of whether or not you should do something for your man? Should you pamper your partner yourself and then complain that “there are no more men”?
Know and learn to give the initiative and the ability to make decisions to your man - this is a more natural role for him! Nature itself has given men the ability to make decisions easily and correctly, and then successfully, sometimes for a very long time, implement them and monitor their implementation.
For women, such a role is unnatural and over time becomes burdensome and unnecessary. Every year she wants more and more to cling to the strong shoulder of her partner and feel with her husband “like behind a stone wall.” And here your ability to give the initiative to your partner will simply become a lifeline for you in a stormy ocean. And for this 
it is necessary to master all the skills and wisdom of a Real Woman. A woman who can make a real Hero out of her man.
In any case, it is always better to ask your partner what he actually thinks about this or that matter and what he plans to do in order, for example, to increase your family’s income? “The main thing is to be able to wait and give him the opportunity to think about it for a few days.” You shouldn’t endlessly pester him with questions and reminders that you are currently sorely short of money. That's it, you fulfilled your role, you talked to him calmly and constructively about your financial affairs and set a task for him. Now relax and wait for the decision your husband will make.
Perhaps he will suggest cutting costs. Well, this is a great way to increase your income, at one time, when my husband suggested spending our money more disciplined and we switched to a savings budget, within two weeks we had a surplus of finances. At the same time, we began to realize how illiterate and stupidly we had spent our money all these years. When we counted all our “just necessary” expenses over the past three years, we were horrified. And then we figured out that we could really do something with this money that would bring us benefit and great inner satisfaction. And, believe me, these were not regular gatherings in a cafe or buying another blouse or jeans. You can read about how to plan a family budget in the article "The wisdom of money. How to properly distribute the family budget".
In any case, no matter what decision your husband makes, listen to him calmly and relaxed and carefully find out all the details and subtleties of the plan he has conceived. And start implementing his proposal together. Until you start doing something, you will never know whether the proposed plan works or not. So refrain from criticizing and take action. If his proposed plan doesn't work, ask him what he plans to do now that the situation continues to make you uncomfortable. This time your man will be more confident and relaxed, he will understand that you never criticize him and always support him, and he will begin to solve the tasks assigned to him more successfully and faster.
At the same time, we are not saying that a woman needs to shy away and shift all responsibility onto the shoulders of her partner. You just shouldn’t pull everything on yourself; you need to correctly and wisely involve your man in solving your common problems.
Learn to discuss and manage a budget together. You shouldn’t pull everything on yourself and get out of it yourself in crisis situations. Let your partner be as full a participant in budgeting as you are. Let him just as well and easily navigate prices, where family money goes, take it himself and make decisions regarding spending and expenses. It may take some time for your family budget to be in complete chaos for several months in a row due to the fact that the man miscalculated and spent more than he needed. But sooner or later he will learn to distribute money, he will understand what and how much it costs, and how much finance is needed in order for his family to stand on its feet. Until you yourself give the initiative and equal participation to your spouse not only in eating dinner and watching hockey on TV, but also in managing the budget, he will remain in the clear confidence that it is you who do not know how to spend money.
Master male logic and male thinking. From time to time you can suggest something yourself, introduce some innovations and changes. There is no need to blame everything on your husband at once: that there is no repairs at home, and that you are not satisfied with your housing and financial issues, and that you want to go on vacation together, and you also dream that he will read a book that you really liked And so on and so forth.
The main thing is to believe in them and give them such an opportunity, and over time you yourself will stop recognizing your man, who just yesterday was completely unable to behave in a store and make the necessary purchases. And today he not only knows better than you the prices and products that your family requires, but also successfully solves any issues and problems that arise throughout your life together.
Each family has its own distribution of roles. But always try to act and act in such a way that it doesn’t happen that before your husband has had time to really think everything over and voice his thoughts and proposals, you have already planned everything, decided everything yourself and suggested that he act “this way and that way.” . Do not forget that the speed of decision-making and its implementation differs significantly between men and women. Women understand everything faster and react faster in various situations and circumstances. Accordingly, they expect the same reaction and the same actions from a man. And if a man, as it seems to us, does nothing, then sometimes a woman begins to do everything herself! This is one of the most important lessons of living together!! And one of the most powerful mistakes a woman makes in her life.
A man resembles a huge, powerful tanker, but slow to turn, and a woman resembles a fast, maneuverable schooner.
And although the tanker turns around and changes direction, in our opinion, not as quickly as we would like, when it does turn around, then practically nothing can stop it. The schooner, although a maneuverable vessel, however, during periods of strong storms or a meeting with another tanker, immediately shows its weakness and insecurity. And during such periods it is much better and more productive for her to stay under the protection of the high side of her partner tanker. During a lull and calm, she can frolic, scout the area, and swim for her own pleasure. But again, she should not think that she can replace a mighty ship in terms of endurance and capacity.
Sometimes some women are very annoyed by the fact that they do not look like men! Well, yes, they are worried that men do not perceive them as equals in business and business negotiations. They think that in order for men to perceive and listen to them better, they need to make themselves a masculine woman. They forget that a woman is a wise, gentle and vulnerable creature, but that it is in this “vulnerability” that a huge, powerful and deep feminine strength is hidden. It’s not for nothing that they say that a woman’s strength is in her weakness!
Surprisingly, nature has given us the greatest gift of being a Woman and enjoying all the privileges that we want to enjoy. And for this we don’t need to do anything special. Life itself has already taken care of everything. She made us Women, and made men Men.
She made us gentle, able to love, sincerely admire and inspire our man, and made men strong and simply adoring to care for, get, get, and protect their woman. And all he needs for this is her love, tenderness and admiration for his any, even if not always successful, decisions and hunting trips.
We sometimes turn ourselves into a kind of controller, an eternal overseer who does nothing but walk around and grumble, redoing everything for her husband and commenting on his “incompetence and incompetence.” Look, look at yourself from the outside!
Are you the one and only desired one, for the sake of whom you want to accomplish feats and move on? Are you the kind of woman who inspires and delights?
Are you the woman who is always happy with everything and who is proud and admires her husband during the period of his victories, while supporting and patiently waiting during the period when he needs to rest and gain strength for the next outing, or to lick the wounds from not Have a very successful hunt?
For example: “What do you think? What would you like us to cook together?” - do not forget that a man needs some time to think, since the thinking of men is much slower than the thinking of women.
Therefore, while your beloved is thinking about such a “well, just the most difficult” question about what to buy for dinner or where his second sock is, you can relax and calmly drink a cup of tea in silence and read your favorite magazine. The main thing is that you should not immediately offer a lot of answers after the question and not even give your partner the opportunity to insert at least a single word. Just be silent and wait for your husband to make his choice or, wheezing displeasedly, to go in search of his lost sock.
It is necessary to think and think strategically, to be able to look into your life as if ahead, asking yourself questions:
— What will happen in my life if I continue to adhere to this or that strategy of behavior?
- Now, if I advise him something, give him a hint, decide or remind him, will such behavior change anything in our relationship?
— Will the fact that I once again rush to resolve the situation will suddenly make my husband more responsible and confident?
Sincerely, Anastasia Gai.
Hello Galina Mironovna! This is the cry of my soul. My husband and I have been living together for quite a long time, 17 years. Half a year ago our third daughter was born. He is 40 years old (03/11/1973) I am 36 (12/26/1976). We had everything in life: ups and downs, and I divorced him and got back together. He has bad heredity, his father was an alcoholic. And all my life I have been fighting with it. But it's not only that. According to the horoscope, he is a fish, but in life he is neither fish nor fowl. I make all the responsible decisions: I bought the car, I took out the loan, I took out the mortgage, I pay for everything. He doesn’t even know how much a kilowatt of electricity costs, or how much a music school costs per month. Now he doesn’t drink strong drinks, works as a taxi driver and what else would I think I need, but there’s a catastrophic lack of money. I’m currently on maternity leave and my money is barely enough to pay off loans, as well as paying for an apartment (since we are building a building, we currently live in a rented apartment), paying for utilities, and I’m not talking about groceries. And my husband thinks that everything is fine. - Why are you freaking out? I'll earn money. His work schedule is 2/2. That is, he comes home from work in the morning (it turns out that he has a sleepover), drinks 1.5 liters of beer and sleeps until 7 pm, then watches TV until 2-3 am (he got enough sleep, what else should he do), the next day he gets up at at 12 noon and if I yell, he will do something either around the house or go to a construction site, if I don’t say anything, then it’s beer and TV again. Moreover, the amount of money earned does not depend on the amount of beer you drink per day; at least 2-3 liters, at least 2500 rubles, you will earn at least 500 rubles. And in the morning I go back to work and so on in a circle. He doesn’t take care of the children, he doesn’t take out the trash, he doesn’t look for a part-time job, he doesn’t keep his promises, his word isn’t worth a penny, he doesn’t solve problems (- I have so many girls (children and I), and what will I... ) I'm looking for some part-time work on the Internet, trying to save money. I talked to him even before my last daughter was born. “Do you need a family? Maybe live alone, you don’t have to strain, no one is yelling or forcing you to do anything? Beauty. No, he swore and swore that he loved me and the children and that he wants a family. Sometimes I think maybe it’s all my fault? Maybe it’s me who doesn’t give him independence? It’s easier for him to live because he knows that I’ll take the children where they need to go, buy food, pay for everything, if there’s no money, I’ll find it. I just have such a character that I need everything quickly and now, and while he is itching, I have already done everything. Doctor, tell me what to do, maybe it’s really about me? How to convince him that he is the head of the family, that he is the man in the house, and what if it’s not him? Who? Really looking forward to your reply. Maybe I described everything too chaotically, but I tried to be more detailed. Thank you
