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How to forgive your wife for cheating- this is a question that worries all husbands who are faced with female infidelity. Should you forgive your wife's infidelity? How to survive betrayal? Is normal functioning of the family possible after it? The topic of infidelity is one of the frequently discussed and pressing problems. And if male infidelity is more traditional, then female infidelity as a common phenomenon has only recently begun to be discussed. Psychologists observe that it is men who are more confused after the fact of betrayal.
Cheating is a manifestation of certain long-term psychological problems in a couple; usually it does not arise in a day. This problem reveals the weak points in relationships. Actually, the purely physical fact of betrayal, an intimate relationship outside of marriage, is only a small part of the trauma. Emotional distance, betrayal, recognition of secrets in relationships, the fact that part of a wife’s life passes outside the husband’s control also hurts.
Therefore, having asked the question of whether to forgive his wife’s betrayal, a man can solve it positively for himself, considering betrayal as an indicator of a long-term crisis, a point after which nothing can be changed. Surely, before the fact of infidelity, you managed to turn a blind eye to the difficulties in your marriage, and now he has confronted you with awareness and a choice - to solve them or break off the relationship created by both of you.
Of course, many men, especially having discussed this issue with friends, or if the fact of their wife’s infidelity has become known to others, react extremely negatively and emotionally to the question of whether it is necessary to forgive their wife’s infidelity. Here both the infringed feeling and the feeling of the intractability of the piled-up layer of problems that revealed themselves in an instant are at play.
But it is at this moment that the spouses, having come together and trying to understand what is happening, can for the first time consciously think about how to take their relationship to a higher level. They begin a normal dialogue for the first time. And if the betrayal itself does not break their relationship to smithereens, then from this moment it is possible to build a more functional family.
Is it possible to forgive your wife's betrayal?
Should you forgive your wife's infidelity? For various reasons, a woman can make this mistake. But the “glue” that binds their relationship, if the spouses value them and have a reason to preserve the marriage, often gives rise to the desire to correct and rebuild the relationship. If it is not there, if the wife, by this betrayal, only sought to find an additional reason to break off the relationship, to aggravate the problem, to make the unspoken obvious - perhaps the marriage has already “died”, and there is nothing left to save.
A man needs to ask himself whether to forgive his wife’s infidelity, without blindly following the advice of family or friends. Because they often have a personal, albeit unconscious, motive to influence the course of events. This is how hidden revenge can manifest itself, which is often expressed in actively pushing for divorce, inciting problems and pseudo-participation. Or the person himself is left alone and is trying to impose the same life scenario on you, so as not to perceive himself so lonely, to strengthen his life strategy through you.
A man needs to look at his wife’s infidelity as an illustration of a crisis in marriage, a crisis created not by the wife on her own, but with their mutual participation. Figure out what you expect from your partnership, why didn’t you talk about this earlier, what needs to be introduced into your relationship to make cheating impossible in the future? This will allow you not only to sort out this problem, but will also enrich your family life. Sometimes, even if the marriage could not be saved, the analysis of this problem is useful to the man in the next relationship, and prevents similar difficulties in the new partnership, since they often depend on the man as well.
There is a categorical opinion that a person who has cheated once will definitely continue to cheat. And the man here experiences fear of the unknown, disorder, and lack of control in life with this woman. Sometimes, even when loving, he can experience the loss of trust so strongly that he decides to break off the relationship and remain single, and only after a while build a relationship, while choosing the most predictable woman as a partner.
A man more often experiences betrayal, like the betrayal of a partner in business - when he let him down and found his benefits on the side. Now it’s dangerous to deal with him, because where can we get guarantees that this situation will not happen again? Following logic, he forces himself to make a decision that will protect him. If this approach is close to you, then it is worth examining the directness and honesty in the woman’s behavior, not trying to exaggerate and denigrate her actions, not inflating the image of possible future problems, and also think purely logically about what needs she tried to satisfy on the side. It is possible that in your partnership her interests were infringed; she could not get something extremely important for her. Only by determining what it is will you begin to judge the situation more objectively.
How to forgive your wife's betrayal and move on?
Is there family life after cheating? How to find the strength to forgive? Don't fantasize about what's happening in your family right now. Find out this, find out what your wife’s attitude is to what happened. People are prone to making mistakes, prone to making mistakes that they later repent of. In particular, female infidelity often indicates unspoken problems and a lack of understanding between spouses. Perhaps she was trying to tell you about emotional problems, but you could not perceive them, and she did not have the courage and directness to continue to talk about them further, to insist and look for solutions.
Or was there no participation or desire on your part to build relationships? With this type of dry, lifeless, essentially formal relationship, the woman perceives herself as unnecessary to her husband and unloved. She, trying to get rid of the experience of the emptiness of her own life, can find a way out in third-party relationships, especially if there is an understanding boyfriend nearby who is ready to demonstrate participation and be attentive to her, which is fueled by her inaccessibility and reluctance to actually break family ties and cheat on her husband.
If you dream of building a quality relationship in principle, without even considering now, whether with this woman or in the future, you need to look into the personal eyes. And those sides that you did not want to notice, recognize as part of reality, wanting to follow only your decisions.
Women consider relationships to be the main value in life. When a wife cheats, very rarely it is just a need for sexual contact with another man; rather, it is a cry for attention and help, an attempt to find a genuine relationship and understanding. In a situation of female infidelity, it is not hedonistic needs that come to the forefront, but the desire to build relationships. Women more often become attached to one constant man, which is facilitated by the production of the hormone oxytocin, which is released in women during orgasm in greater quantities than in men, the attachment hormone.
The criteria for betrayal are individual for each couple. For some, correspondence on a social network is treason; for others, having sexual intercourse is not true treason. And as practice shows, more often than not relationships are destroyed not only by the fact of betrayal, but because of the consequences, the fact that the married couple was unable to draw conclusions and took the road of further destruction of the relationship. Also, in case of suspicion and constant reminders to his wife, even regretting the betrayal, he thinks about leaving for the reason that the betrayal will not be forgotten or forgiven.
There are two common opinions: one is that you need to forgive betrayal, the other is that you absolutely cannot do this. The male opinion is often that the wife, by cheating, is looking for freedom or intimate pleasures. However, statistics confirm that she is looking for a relationship that, as it turns out, may not actually exist in the family. It happens that after years of marriage, spouses come to understand the existence of a family as a system with its responsibilities, but the absence of genuine intimacy, the relationship itself. A woman, looking for a third-party relationship, usually experiences problems with, the difficulty of living as a full-fledged woman, and requires recognition from a man. If she doesn’t get it in marriage, it’s only a matter of time before the wife starts looking for another relationship and whether it will work out.
The problem of female infidelity arises from a lack of self-satisfaction, which ultimately leads to the desire to receive external evaluation. Receiving the attention and recognition of men, a woman temporarily experiences an increase in strength and feels complete. In a marriage, even with mutual feelings, the spouses get used to each other over time, the woman stops receiving courtship from her husband, but continues to greatly need them.
Here we come to the basis of the opinion that once a person has cheated, he will always cheat, and the only right decision is to break up. Yes, if you don’t work with the internal psychological situation, then the problem of betrayal will not go away. A woman needs to resolve the problem with her self-esteem, personal significance, ability to enjoy life, deep satisfaction from her feminine nature.
How to forgive your wife's betrayal and move on? A man must understand for himself why he chose this particular woman, and how, perhaps, his behavior strategy is consistent with the behavior of a woman with low self-esteem. What does it take for your wife to feel satisfied with you?
If the emotional nature of your wife requires attention, then a husband who does not want to face betrayal must be able to listen to his wife, let her speak out, because this is how she expresses her feelings and shares her experiences. Today, many relationships often have a male orientation, partners live like friends, business associates, and femininity remains unrealized, finding expression only in children, rare moments of marital romance and, as in our situation, in new connections on the side. To save your marriage, you need to learn to maintain the authenticity of the relationship and deepen it, which is a lot of work for both.
If you have been thinking for a long time about whether you need to forgive your wife’s infidelity, and have decided to go further in analyzing this complex problem, the advice of psychologists will help you. After a conversation with your wife, when you have chosen to maintain the relationship and continue to live together, you will face the following problems.
You will probably look for the reason within yourself. She may or may not. A man who has been cheated on often begins to paint himself into a corner, considering himself to blame for everything and concluding that things are not right with him personally. Forget about it. Start looking for positive confirmation that you are okay, look at how you are treated at work, by friends, and loved ones. You will find that you are important to them, which means that there is a lot in you that others value you for.
How to forgive your wife's betrayal if a man has aversion to her body? This is a normal reaction. Here you need to wait time and better undergo psychotherapy in order to live and resolve these emotions of rejection at a basic level. You will begin to perceive every word of your wife as, look for a catch even in the truth, try to uncover her plans. Your mistrust will be based on not knowing what else your wife can afford. You may even experience the feeling that she as a person is alien and unfamiliar to you.
How to forgive your wife's betrayal? The advice of psychologists on this matter is as follows: there are several options for the course of events further. Or you will begin to chase this complex emotional state in a circle, being suspicious of everything, no matter how much your wife tries to show you her attitude through actions - and then the relationship will most likely fall apart, since you will drive both yourself and her. If, six months later, you still find yourself in a cycle of thoughts, you should go to a psychologist; it is very difficult to get out of the circle alone. Or you will begin to communicate and discuss, live this topic with friends and family. Here you need to carefully choose your interlocutor. If a person has experienced the fact of betrayal several times, it will not have a positive effect on your situation. It is worth talking to someone who has experience going through infidelity and maintaining a relationship. It will give you peace of mind and confidence, and will help you say goodbye to problems, but they are the biggest part of the problem.
Following the law of compensation, if you wanted to return the pain that you experienced from betrayal, and are now trying to hurt your wife in return, return it in half. Then you will compensate for the negative on an emotional level, moving towards reducing the problem, but not inflating it.
- I don’t need such a wife!- he shouted. - Whore! How will I look people in the eye?
Justified indignation and pain from the unexpected blow seethed inside. It seemed to him at that moment that he hated his wife, and at the same time he was afraid of losing her. These contradictions tore his heart.
“Well, how could she, what was she missing?”- this was the first question that tormented him and did not let go for a moment. And the second: “How to forgive your wife’s betrayal?”. He couldn't imagine his life without her.
The man is sincerely perplexed as to why this happened. Why did his beloved, his only one whom he trusted as much as himself, suddenly do this to him? He tried so hard to make her happy.
“Everything for the house, everything for the family and children. I myself don’t need anything - the main thing is that they, my relatives, are happy. And I always bring my entire salary home, all to the family. And at work I am held in high esteem, I am respected and appreciated. Other men go to the bar, to the billiards, and I go home to my wife and children.
And she still strives to run away from home with her slacker friends somewhere to go shopping and spend money in cafes. For what? You can cook everything at home. And sit down as a family. So I got there, my friends taught me how to cuckold my own husband. My mother was right when she told me: “She’s not a match for you—she doesn’t know how to do laundry or cook.” She won’t be able to look after you like I do.” Why isn't she like her mother? Why is she doing this to me?
Maybe punish her, give her one good time, as the men advise? But I can’t raise my hand to her - I love her. Yes, and suddenly she will leave, but how will I survive without her, without children? Forgive? And if she does this again, how can she trust her now? If I could imagine how they were tumbling there, I would kill both of them..."
How can I forgive her and move on?
As Yuri Burlan explains at the System-Vector Psychology training, the equalization of the social roles of men and women happened only about a hundred years ago, and male and female infidelity have always been perceived differently in society. It so happened that men’s infidelity has always been treated more leniently. But for women it has always been taboo. After all, a woman’s task is to give birth to children, and every man wants to be sure that the child he is raising is his.
Therefore, for most men, cheating on a wife is a huge stress and a reason to think about the future of the relationship. But some men find it more difficult to cope with their wife’s infidelity than others, because it deals a crushing blow to their life values. You probably guessed, dear faithful men, that now we will talk about you. And then we’ll tell you about the reasons for your wife’s behavior.
The most caring and most faithful husbands are carriers of the anal vector; the meaning of life for them is in the family, in children. For them, the honor of family and homeland are not empty words. They live according to conscience and justice. Everything must be perfect for them.
Their core value is cleanliness, which they look for in everything from a clean shirt to a clear conscience. This also applies to family - their main value. Therefore, a wife must correspond to the ideal of a real woman and mother. A pure woman with an unblemished reputation. And his wife’s betrayal hits him like a bolt from the blue. His meaning in life is destroyed.
Treason is betrayal
People with the anal vector honor traditions and adhere to traditional forms of relationships, which means that a woman, according to her husband’s ideas, is obliged to respect her husband and in no case should in any way cast a shadow on his reputation. After all, a wife’s betrayal is a shame for the family, for the clan. A man with an anal vector will consider such a woman a “dirty woman,” one who has stained herself.
People with an anal vector are hostages of their experience. They are confident that what happened once can happen again and again. This means that the wife who cheated is no longer worthy of trust. There is a strong resentment towards the wife. She acted disgustingly, and there are no excuses! For a person with an anal vector, cheating on his wife is a betrayal. And an innate sense of justice demands that the traitor be punished.
A man with an anal vector is endowed with good memory. He will never forget his wife’s betrayal and will remember it at every opportunity. And even over time, the pain from betrayal does not go away, it only dulls, but remains deep in the soul, nurturing resentment and causing him constant suffering. And this is what a man has to live with.
Why did she do this?
To find out how to forgive your wife, let's turn to System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan and try to understand the reasons why she cheated.
The fact is that usually people do not cheat out of nowhere, but when a crisis arises in the relationship , problems or difficulties arise.
We must understand that attraction occurs between people who are different from each other. And if at the beginning of a relationship the partner’s behavior usually causes a smile and joy, then over time we become more and more irritated by the partner’s everyday habits - for example, not closing the tube of toothpaste and much, much more. Our attraction to our partner decreases, and our complaints grow like a snowball.
In addition, it is completely clear that we want more than just sex from a relationship. It is important for us to achieve mutual understanding in relationships, share our experiences and find an emotional response from our other half. And usually at the beginning of a relationship, a man and a woman talk a lot, learn everything or almost everything about each other - an emotional connection is created, mutual understanding and trust arise in the relationship. But Often in family life there is simply not enough time and energy for heart-to-heart conversations, and then the emotional connection between partners weakens. And this is the soil on which irritation accumulates and understatement appears.. Not knowing how to conduct a dialogue with our partner, we place all the blame for problems in the relationship on him. And instead of solving problems as a couple, one of the partners may simply start cheating.
How to forgive your wife?
How to forgive your wife and not be offended anymore? First, you need to understand that she may have a completely different type of psyche and the motives for her actions differ from our idea of it. We get offended when it seems to us that we have been deprived of something or not given enough - as we need, as we wanted. But the truth is that the other did not take away from us, but looked for what was missing for himself. And we could give it if we knew what he needed.
You can find out what your wife was looking for in other relationships and why she couldn’t find it with you by completing the System-Vector Psychology training by Yuri Burlan. At the training, you can learn how to forgive and let go of resentment, how to build a strong emotional connection with your wife, which is the basis for a long and fulfilling relationship. You will also be able to truly forgive your wife and arm yourself with new knowledge against any offense and not return to the old ones. The main thing is to learn to give each other what is missing - because the fact that we are different is very cool! This means that we can fill each other with what the other does not have, but we have in abundance.
Men talk about how their relationship with their wife improved after the training:
“...Having deeply realized why a career and social life were so important to my wife, along with a family, I was able to accept her desires. They simply stopped annoying me, I managed to change my attitude towards my wife. And, what’s most interesting, when my wife now runs away from home to the city on her own business, I no longer consider her pastime to be worthless. It is very necessary.
I have noticed that if I let her go sincerely, she returns home refreshed and our relationship immediately becomes fresher. Well, let him run around the malls, boutiques, and hairdressers. Let him preen himself to look good, because I like it. The better and more attractive my wife looks, the more desirable, attractive and sexy she will seem to me..."
Betrayal is a great tragedy, and often men have to think about how to survive your wife's betrayal, Don’t get depressed and completely give up on your relationship.
Causes and psychology of female infidelity
Why do women cheat?
It would seem that there is a family, perhaps children, a loved one nearby.
What pushes you to betrayal? Psychologists and sociologists have identified several main reasons why ladies decide to cheat:
Whatever the reasons, before making a responsible decision, you must seriously consider the consequences and your own actions.
How to return your wife's love? Find out about this from ours.
10 reasons why women cheat. Psychology of female infidelity:
Is it possible to survive betrayal and forget?
Cheating on your spouse is stress for husband.
It is immediately difficult to understand and evaluate the motives for an action. It seems that the whole world has turned upside down, a loved one has betrayed, and there is no justification for this.
Is it possible to survive this? Yes, It's not easy at first. There is a feeling of anger, indignation, resentment. You don't want to understand, you can't forgive. This is the first stage of reaction to a situation of betrayal; all people go through it.
After time it becomes easier. Much depends on how the spouses resolved this situation, whether they talked, and whether they found out the motives for the action.
Often both partners are to blame for what happened - the woman who decided to cheat and the husband who did not see the signals that later led to the act.
It is possible to survive betrayal. First of all, this working on your own condition. If depression occurs, you need to fight it. If anger and aggression are ready to spill out, you need to find a way to stop so as not to harm yourself and other people.
The main thing in this matter is are you ready to forgive and forget about what happened, are you ready to trust again. It is important to understand that the relationship will no longer be the same. The love that was before will not return.
No matter how hard you try to forget, the accomplished fact will forever remain in your memory. Yes, the brightness of the event will be erased, emotions will become weaker.
You may never talk about it again, and the betrayal will never happen again. However, small the mistrust between you will remain, and the wife has a feeling of guilt.
A strong couple is able to survive the fact of betrayal, learn from it and not make similar mistakes again. But it all depends on both spouses and their sincere desires maintain and improve relationships.
How to survive your spouse's betrayal? Psychologist's opinion:
How to live further?
We have come to one of the most important questions - how to survive betrayal. A lot depends on your relationship, the presence of sincere and affection.
The duration of the union also matters - the event occurred in the first or second year of marriage or after 10 or more years. In some couples, cheating is a release.
If your union has long outlived its usefulness, then sooner or later there must have been a reason for it to break completely. Review your recent time together and answer the questions:
- “Were you satisfied with the relationship?”;
- “How did you communicate with each other?”;
- “What were you missing?”;
- “Were you both ready to work on the relationship, to maintain it?”
These questions are important for understanding yourself and the other side.
What to do to survive betrayal?
- Understand the reason for the action. In this case, the best way is a heart-to-heart conversation.
- In any problem, with rare exceptions, both partners are to blame. It is not enough to get married and just live nearby. You need to work on relationships, learn to compromise, not only take, but also give.
- To know, does the wife repent of what she did?, does she want to continue living together, does she consider cheating a mistake.
- Try to ask. This is the most difficult thing. To forgive means to let go of the situation, not to return to it again, not to reproach during the next family quarrel.
Forgiveness is an internal state of the psyche, and not everyone is able to achieve it.
Each family individually experiences the fact of betrayal. And the decision on what to do is made based on whether the spouses want to continue living together.
Is it worth forgiving?
How to forgive a wife who cheated?
Forgiveness is your inner state, willingness to let go.
Men often ask themselves the question: is it really possible to forgive their spouse’s betrayal? In many ways, the ability to do this depends on the qualities of your soul and character traits.
For someone it is impossible to forgive betrayal, this breaking the relationship forever and irrevocably. Another, loving too much, forgives and is even ready to save the marriage.
You will have to decide what is important to you, whether you want to stay close to this person and not remember the action.
Forgiveness is long work on yourself and your feelings. It doesn't come immediately. And these are not only words, but an internal state, a decision. Of course, you can forgive betrayal if you want and are ready to do it.
Is it necessary and possible to forgive the betrayal of my beloved wife? In this video:
How to understand your spouse and save your marriage?
The desire must be mutual. If one of the partners has decided that everything is over, there is no point in insisting. In this case, the best way out is to give freedom.
How to help a man whose wife left him for another man? Practical tips:
I can’t come to terms: what should I do?
You have a conflict with yourself - you understand how wrong a loved one acted, and you still experience resentment.
Every day your thoughts return to the day when you found out about the betrayal. This again intensifies negative emotions, and memory does not let you forget.
- Try to control your thoughts and stop them. As soon as you start thinking about cheating, say stop.
- If you cannot forget, it means that the situation has not been fully processed.
- Go to a family psychologist, it’s better to do it together.
If your attitudes and character do not allow you to completely forgive, then think about whether you really should live together.
Unresolved situation ultimately leads to new conflicts and accusations.
Relationships will continue to break down. In some cases, ending a relationship and starting a new life is the most optimal solution for both spouses.
How to survive your wife's betrayal? Priest's opinion:
It's always scary when you are betrayed. It seems that the world around is collapsing, I don’t want to believe it, I don’t want to live. But you have to live. And you have to believe it too. And decide something further.
Avoid mistakes
So, as soon as you find out what happened, you need to leave immediately. Whatever you want to do, this first action will most likely be wrong. In the heat of the moment, you can do anything, and it’s unlikely that you should add more problems to everything that happened. The best thing to do is to distance yourself from the situation and cool down. It is advisable to have a loved one nearby - it is very difficult to be alone now. The first thing people traditionally resort to most often after a wife cheats on them is alcohol. Of course, it’s difficult to resist in such a situation, but it’s still better to do just that. Being in an inadequate state, you can again cause troubles that are undesirable in our situation. In addition, alcohol in large quantities does not allow one to make an adequate decision, and in this case rarely does anyone limit themselves to small amounts, so it is better not to drink it at all.
Don't deny yourself anything
In order to quickly calm your state of mind, you need to do something that would completely captivate you and generally not deny yourself anything, except, of course, nonsense. You can buy yourself everything that you wanted before, or even something that you didn’t want and don’t know how to use it - new knowledge and skills are welcome. Changing your image won't hurt either - it has a very powerful effect on your emotional state. Any madness is at your service.
Think everything over
When you are able, you need to analyze the situation as carefully as possible. Does it make sense? If there is little that binds you together, then most likely there is no point in staying together. But this happens very rarely: as a rule, people have been married for a long time, they have children, and then everything needs to be weighed. After all, over all these years you have become very close people, and she is now worried no less than you, that’s for sure. In addition, in family relationships there is no such thing as someone alone being to blame: the wife’s betrayal probably did not happen just like that, something led to it. Perhaps she was expecting something from you that you were in no hurry to give her, did not understand in time or did not pay attention to, and someone simply took advantage of the situation? In the end, cheating on a wife is a terrible, serious, but mistake, and who among us doesn’t make them?
Decide
Maybe it makes sense to forgive betrayal? There is a misconception that men cannot forgive their spouse’s infidelity, that they are weak. It is precisely the destiny of the weak to run away from problems, and the ability to forgive is the quality of strong and integral natures. Of course, this is not so easy to do, because men experience their wife’s betrayal much more difficult and painful, especially for those who do not show their feelings outwardly. Such people would need to find some outlet for their emotions; active types of recreation, including extreme sports, are perfect here. You can also go to another city or abroad for a while, get a lot of impressions and feel almost normal. At such moments, calmly, without negativity, you need to remember your life together, all the best things that connected you, but you just don’t need to call or get in touch at all, because you still need to let her feel what she has done, what she is losing so that this does not happen again in the future.
Take a step forward
When you feel that you are ready to forgive the betrayal, and this may take several months, then you need to return gradually. First, you should just meet and talk on neutral territory, for example, in a cafe, in order to understand for sure whether you can do this or not, and then the situation will show itself. Moreover, a gradual return will only benefit the renewed relationship.
At all times, in various cultures, female infidelity has been a much greater tragedy than male infidelity. Often, an affair for a husband remains a frivolous, short-lived relationship. But when a girl cheats, she first loses the spiritual internal connection with her man and only then decides to have an affair on the side. A woman's romance is usually associated with emotions and falling in love, and is more long-term in time.
Moreover, it is not as common as the male one, because in every representative of the fairer sex the desire to preserve the family hearth is inherent in nature; the roles of wife, housewife, and mother are deeply absorbed in her blood. Therefore, if the wife cheated, it means that something is wrong in family life and it’s time to think about what to do to save the family. In order to understand and forgive everything to your beloved, it is worth understanding the possible reasons for what has already happened, why it happened and how to move on, how to forgive your wife and restore the marital union.
- Female infidelity can be a response to a male similar act. If she constantly sees her husband’s increased attention to representatives of the same sex, when he strives to maintain a close, sometimes too close, connection with them, it will be quite natural for her to want to do the same. Sometimes it happens that after the spouse lets off steam in this way, order in the family is restored. But the option of complete separation is not excluded if the husband cannot forget the actions of his girlfriend, which he easily forgives himself.
- A man may show insufficient attention to his soul mate, who will strive to make up for the lack on the side, in someone else’s, more caring, arms. The same applies to financial security - some ladies go to the left because the lover is more generous to her, thereby showing how interested he is in her. In any case, what is missing at home, the girl will look outside it.
- Sexual dissatisfaction is also often the cause of affairs, especially if the partner is more temperamental than her husband.
- We should not rule out an age crisis - it happens not only to men, ladies are no less susceptible to it.
- The reason may be falling in love - inspired by the delicate unusual behavior of a man who is more romantic than a regular partner, for example. Or more sophisticated as a lover. Or when another man gives her everything she lacks in life with her husband. Often this reason is the most common among those that may later become a reason for divorce.
- Some girls are characterized by curiosity - it can also push a frivolous person into the arms of others.
- Perhaps you missed a difficult moment in your friend’s life - she was in crisis, stressed, looking for support and did not find it in you.
Knowing these reasons, it is easier to determine for yourself the path on how to forgive your wife’s betrayal and move on with it. Although none of the reasons justify the behavior of the traitor.
How to forgive
If you understand that infidelity is not just suspicions and fears, but concrete facts, the main thing at the first stage is not to fall into emotions and maintain composure and prudence. First of all, decide for yourself what you want - to separate immediately or to maintain family life. A man often cannot forgive betrayal, but if imagining your life without her makes you suffer, then it is better to take this step - accept her repentance, no matter how difficult it may be. Perhaps her connection was one-time, accidental and not worth attention.
In any case, if you decide to continue the relationship with your partner, you need to forget about what happened. Advice from a psychologist and psychotherapist can help you work through and forget your wife’s infidelity. If this is a competent specialist, then you should not refuse them. His professional experience will help resolve the situation as painlessly and quickly as possible.
How to forgive your wife's betrayal? Here are some expert tips:
- Do not try to find out all the details of what happened in detail.
- Try to understand what your spouse was looking for in an outsider, what was not enough for her in her marriage with you. Think about what reasons could have pushed her to do this. What became the reason for infidelity.
- Talk to your spouse, listen to her motives. without criticism, but to understand the situation. Control yourself and try to hear information, not emotions.
- You can separate for a while and live separately until your emotions subside and your mind can calmly make a decision. This will make it easier for you to assess what kind of future you want for yourself - with her, without whom you cannot live, or away from her. And understand how to forgive your wife’s infidelity and save your marriage.
- Assess how important your feelings and life with this particular partner are to you. Remember what connected you before, how many wonderful moments you have already had. Feel whether you are ready to forget all this and leave it in the past. If you want to maintain mutual feelings, these memories and goals will be a great incentive for forgiveness.
- Think about children together, if you have any. Imagine how they would feel about parting when their world is their parents as one. Then they will have to choose who to love, perhaps who to live with, and this choice will not be easy for anyone. Sometimes, just for the sake of this, it is worth letting go of the situation and restoring your feelings for your spouse that you had before her betrayal.
- You need to forgive sincerely, without later remembering this incident to her in every quarrel. So that this fact would not be thrown in her face. And the most important thing is that he does not undermine everything further in his own memory. Life after forgiveness will need to be built from scratch.
- Try to perceive her infidelity as a painful condition, an accident, a kind of neurosis from which you are ready to cure her.
It is not always possible to forget infidelity, especially if this is not the first time, with different objects. The wife repents, but no one can be sure that this really won’t happen again. It is also difficult to close your eyes to her if it was not an affair, but true love. And if the thought “I can’t forgive my wife’s betrayal” haunts you, then in such cases it is still more constructive to break up and build a new life with another friend.
How to restore a relationship
- devote more time to your spouse, her interests, life;
- remember more often the romantic moments of your life together, your first meeting, your feelings;
- give her flowers, give her compliments, note her actions aimed at you;
- take care of your appearance - a fit, neat man is more attractive;
- talk about sexual preferences, perhaps they also need to be reviewed and something updated.
The idea that strong men do not forgive is wrong. It is inspired by a society in which everyone has been given clear roles, and the male role is a strong, rude, somewhere tough person. A lady will not consider you a weakling if you forgive her out of love. But, just as there is no universal recipe for happiness, there is no single advice for everyone in adultery. Characters, behavior patterns, life goals and feelings between you are important when deciding how to build the future. But life together is possible only with complete forgiveness - now you are new people.
